Chris Weekly

Gratuitous Chris Pic

2008-08-21T12:28:00.004-04:00

Chris stands in front of the Coburg Dairy sign, this really old-timey sign that's been in Charleston forever. The cow and the giant chocolate milk rotate, and the "Danger" warning ill advises any sort of horseplay on or near the sign, suggesting they've had a problem with that in the past. When asked why he liked the sign enough to pose with it, Chris replied, "I don't know, I love old stuff like that. And, like Coburg Dairy, I'm better than I have to be." No argument there.

It's Ice!

2008-08-21T11:49:00.003-04:00

Our corporate events require many provisions: beer, wine, liquor, snack foods, first aid kit and quite a bit of ice. Cubed. The good stuff. To boot, our editorial and production staff enjoy "living out of the cooler" while on the road, and have legendary near-unrealistic standards regarding cold beers. So when our ice supply began to run low en route to Pawleys Island from Charleston during CHRIS '08 , we began searching for those familiar ice chests posted outside gas stations when lo and behold the "Twice the Ice" 24-hour ice shack presented itself to us. Talk about serendipity. $1.50 for a 20 lb bag of ice. You can't even get a pack of Big Red for $1.50! [this claim has not been verified by Chris Weekly, Inc.]

Chris Takes a Sip: Folly Beach Edition

2008-08-19T18:17:00.004-04:00

What a lucky beer.

From the CW Mailbag

2008-08-19T11:37:00.012-04:00

The CW staff vehicle pulled into Charleston about an hour or so before our 10:00 dinner reservation at 82 Queen. Chris noshed on she-crab soup and bouillabaisse. Editorial/production personnel had the crab cakes. Easily the best we've ever tasted, complete with authentic low-country Hoppin' John.

Chris enjoys a shrimp-and-grits breakfast at the Lost Dog Cafe in Folly Beach.

Wallace P. in Shirlington writes:

"Hey, CW! Thanks to your lazy ass blog I never want to see another box of Duncan Hines cake mix in my life ["From the CW Mailbag," July 30]. Okay, that's not true. White cake with the sweet frost forever, buddy! But I am looking forward to a new post."

CW replies: Thanks for still being there, Wallace. And you're in luck. Chris Weekly is back, baby. We've returned galvanized and refreshed from our company's first annual "CHRIS '08": Corporate Holiday Retreat in the South. Six days of sun, sand and surf allowed our overworked employees to just sit back, soak up some rays and reflect. On Chris. And we were lucky enough to nab the big guy for the whole week, too, which needless to say puts the "treat" in "retreat." Now go ahead and shut down early for the day and lose yourself in these exclusive photos. More to follow.

Breaking News: Chris Weekly to Post Within the Hour

2008-08-19T11:33:00.002-04:00

In all honesty it might be more like a couple hours but that would have exceeded the character limit for the Title line. Our editors are back from our company retreat and ready to write so be sure to refresh, say, after lunch.

Thanks,
The CW Team

From the CW Mailbag

2008-07-30T11:39:00.004-04:00

Ralph O. in Alexandria writes:

"Hey CW! I was at the Bradlee Safeway the other night spending half my paycheck on groceries and toiletries when I heard this discussion over in the baking aisle. I knew I'd know that voice when I heard it. I peeked over and sure enough, it was the big guy trying to decide between chocolate or vanilla Duncan Hines cupcakes! I've been there, and that's a tough call. Thank goodness I had my trusty Le Clic and was able to snap these great pics. I was so stunned I dropped my hot rotisserie chicken and made a huge mess. Cleanup in Aisle 5, right, buddy?? CW forever!"

Chris Weekly: Have your cupcake and eat it too.

What Did Chris Have for Lunch Today?

2008-07-23T15:02:00.003-04:00

"Eating a meatball sub from Potbelly right now."
2:50 PM 7/23/2008

Best. Wedding. Ever.

2008-07-23T14:33:00.005-04:00

Probably the handsomest bunch of groomsmen a girl could ask for: (L-R) Officiant and BOC Andy T., a downright giddy Chris, Best Man Ryan G., BOC Brett T., and the one, the only, Brian "Candles" Candler.

Chris has a moment with bridesmaid Miss M.

Bottom row: (L-R) Bridesmaids Lauren M., Mel. C., CW Editor in Chief Kelly B., flower fairy Camilla Day Harris and Maid of Honor Sissy. (Not pictured: Marley)

Gratuitous Chris Pic

2008-07-23T14:21:00.002-04:00

Chris is shown at the Hoover Dam outside Las Vegas, c. 2005

From the CW Mailbag

2008-07-23T14:14:00.006-04:00

Many of you have been requesting we post some pics from our wedding in honor of our third anniversary. In fact, Lewis P. in Quantico writes:

"How about posting some pics from your wedding in honor of your third anniversary?"

Good call, Lewis! We're working on that for you now.

Give us at least 45 minutes, though, as we've got several staff members out right now covering Chris's lunch.

From the Editor-in-Chief U.S., and Publisher: This Day in History

2008-07-23T12:29:00.005-04:00

Hello all,

It may not be a national holiday but it’s certainly cause for celebration here at CW. On this day back in 2005 Chris nabbed himself a good-hearted woman, and made yours truly legitimate after several years of, how do you say, shacking up. And were it not for the influx of material with which the daily minutiae of life with Chris has provided me, Chris Weekly may never have been conceived.

Everyone here at CW — corporate, editorial, production, even the janitorial and maintenance crews — would like to take a moment to thank the big guy for his contributions to this publication. His idiosyncrasies, and the coping mechanisms on the part of the CW team, are the foundation on which this blog was built. If he's having trouble getting up in the morning, we're having trouble. If he has to saddle up and ride in 90-degree weather, we feel the heat. What he’s having for lunch, we digest. His first sip of a robust red gives us a buzz. His recommendations, be they food or music, become our recommendations to others. He’s a silent partner who speaks volumes, and we couldn’t be more pleased to continue working with him.

Join us as we join the Little River Band in sending warm [third!] anniversary wishes to Chris, and first anniversary wishes to us, as Chris Weekly made its first post around this time last summer. Happy anniversary, baaay-bay!

Wednesday Morning Tunes

2008-07-23T10:32:00.003-04:00

Chris loves Wilco, therefore CW loves Wilco. We hope you do too. Click here for a great lineup of covers courtesy of the I am Fuel, You are Friends blog. Yeah, we don't understand the name either but she's got good taste in music. Enjoy!

Gratuitous Chris Pic

2008-07-22T19:13:00.004-04:00

Hey, sometimes you don't want to stand outside monitoring a hot-ass grill.

What Would You Say...You Do Here?

2008-07-22T19:06:00.008-04:00

Looks like CW can stick with the fancypants MiniBar for its corporate events. The big guy contacted our offices today with breaking news of a 10 percent raise! He explains:

“I got this letter. [My company] has been doing this job/compensation study, and brought in consultants Bob and Bob to make sure they were paying fair market rate for its positions. They said no current employee’s salary would go down as a result, but some would go up. According to this letter mine went up more than 10 percent.”

Congratulations, Chris! We can’t help but think of this classic scene from Office Space. Enjoy.

CW: We deal with the goddamn readers so Chris doesn't have to!

From the CW Mailbag

2008-07-17T15:53:00.015-04:00

Brett in Fairfax, formerly Brett in Alexandria, writes:

"I've been on the breakfast bandwagon for about two years now ("Chris Rethinks Skipping Breakfast," July 16)! I thank [BOC] Andy T. for turning me on to the oft-neglected meal. I eat two eggs with wheat toast EVERY day. A two-part question for CW: Who or what influenced Chris to eat breakfast? And what does he eat? Wait til he learns about coffee. The world may not be ready for his production!"

Chris replies:

"Thanks for writing, Brett. I'd have to credit the delicious combination of a crumbled Nature Valley granola bar mixed into a vanilla yogurt from Safeway with convincing me that a solid breakfast yields solid output. Literally. And it must be Safeway brand yogurt. I got Dannon once in a pinch and it was not nearly sweet enough. Also a lot of times I grab a bagel or similar pastry-type product from a nearby shop. However, I'm sure you'd be the first to point out that those options don't provide the energy boost of the yogurt/granola combo, and you'd be right. I'd have Eggs Benny every morning if I could but the CW kitchen staff has yet to master the complexities of the dish."

Keep those letters coming!

Chris Weekly: Yielding solid output even without the solid breakfast.

Chris Rethinks Skipping Breakfast

2008-07-16T12:03:00.006-04:00

Maybe all those Special K commercials have finally started to sink in. Chris contacted CW [exclusively] this morning with the news that he's going to start each morning with a solid breakfast:

"I tend to [work] better after lunch; kind of a 'home stretch' mentality," he said. "I'm beginning to think it has to do with hunger. Mornings where I don't eat I'm worthless until lunch. Today I had a yogurt [with a crumbled] granola bar and I'm working away. I'm starting to rethink not eating in the morning. And if I don't [eat in the morning], I'm gonna go to lunch earlier."

Chris Weekly: You may hear it elsewhere but you heard it here first.

Gratuitous Chris Pic

2008-07-15T17:49:00.003-04:00

Chris awaits a refill at the Kafe Leopold's bar during our July 4th weekend extravaganza with Peter B.

Chris Recommends: The Hold Steady

2008-07-15T17:05:00.008-04:00

Get thee to Best Buy for your copy of one of the best CDs of the year, The Hold Steady's "Stay Positive," which drops today. A jubilant and exuberant Chris confirms:

“For my money, no band is more in tune with the lives of the youth of today and what becomes of said ‘youth’ once adulthood comes calling. While some in this country would have you believe that growing up in the suburbs is a sheltered, sterile environment, The Hold Steady songs are a sort of rock drama about what really goes on when school’s out and the kids go to shows, camp, the beach or wherever. They also remind us that a band can sing about being down, out and wasted, and still come away with a positive outlook about life.”

If you need more credible reviews, will these work for you?

From Entertainment Weekly:

“While some of [lead singer Craig] Finn’s characters come to dead ends, the music stays in a state of arrested exhilaration. The single ‘Sequestered in Memphis,’ with its piano arpeggios, sax honking and sing-along chorus, swings like early E Street Band; never mind that the narrator is coughing up details about a one-night stand as part of a murder investigation. What keeps it all from being a classic-rock pastiche is Finn’s drolly rendered vocals and weird storytelling, which make the Hold Steady something you’re certain you’ve never heard before.”

From yesterday’s Paste Magazine review:

"Craig Finn just might be the most self-aware frontman in rock ’n’ roll. 'Our songs are sing-along songs,' he declares on Stay Positive’s opener 'Constructive Summer,' and a couple verses later he shows instead of tells. 'Me and my friends are like,' begins the line, before Finn is joined by backing vocals for 'double whiskey, coke, no ice.' It’s a moment that begs for a full room’s worth of shouting as uniting as “LEONARD BERNSTEIN!” during that R.E.M. song about the end of the world. Finn intuitively knows this, tossing off lines just like it throughout Stay Positive—it’s yet another reason The Hold Steady is one of the best bands in America."

From yesterday’s Pitchfork review:

"While its title and lyrics often make Stay Positive sound like a darkest-before-the-dawn kind of record, the themes Finn keeps returning to — skipping town, starting over clean, resurrection — all speak to the redemptive power of second chances. When The Hold Steady plead with you to 'stay positive,' and you consider their unlikely and continued ascendancy, you could do worse than take them at their word."

Counters CW’s Music Director, the positively radiant Tim H:

"Um, this band is kinda wack. The subject matter and imagery are a bit intense for me, and the lead singer’s voice makes me uncomfortable. See, I’m into more of a new wave-club tempo sound with a good beat and fun lyrics. Borderline Eurotrash stuff. But alas, this is Chris’s favorite band at the moment, and with this recession looming I’d like to secure my role here at CW. I’m a team player, and I do stay positive. Always have, always will. Time to slap on a wife-beater, throw back a double whiskey/Coke/no ice and give it a second listen. Anything for you, buddy!”

The first 50,000 copies include three bonus tracks so don't haste. Write to CW with your reviews of Stay Positive at bigjuicyvanATgmailDOTcom.

Chris Weekly: We’re gonna build somethin’ this summer!

Mr. B. Goes to Washington

2008-07-11T16:02:00.017-04:00

His recent visit to Washington wasn't just a chance for Peter B. to get up close and personal with the big guy (though the pix don't reflect as much cuz Chris was always behind the lens). It also was a chance for him to explore our nation's capital. And no one, and we mean no one, enjoys playing tour guide more than this publication's namesake. Staff found it difficult to document the weekend in the traditional blog format, as some parts are a bit blurry. Instead we took to a sort of brainstorming free-association thing. When we think of Peter's visit, we think of (in no particular order):

Vampire Weekend
Fireworks
Five Guys
Cheez-Its
Manhattans
Elderberry martinis
Old Town
Georgetown
C&O Canal
Kafe Leopold's
Cold corn and cashew soup

(Ed. Note: It breaks the collective heart of our staff to tell you, Tim H., but Peter did NOT like that soup. Don't tell Joel!)

Wii
Fried chickens
Wimbledon
Chadwick's
Puppies
GW Parkway
"Boogie Nights"
Old Town
"GoodFellas"
Marvin
Steak Frites
Chicken and Waffles
Seinfeld
Last Call
Top that!
Tequila
Grouper and Guinness at Eamonn's
Strip Club
National Portrait Gallery
Gazuza houka bar
FLAVOR-ICE

Yes, we know it looks glamorous (and gluttonous) but it's business as usual here at Chris Weekly. Just doing our part to give back to those who've given so much to those who can't give back. Or something like that. Said Peter of the first installment of the CW Make It Happen Foundation's guest weekend with Chris:

"Chicken and waffles, a houka bar and last call at a strip club? Forget Disney World and Hannah Montana. These are the sort of dreams that charitable organizations should be fulfilling for our youth. Top that, Make a Wish!"

Come back soon, P.

From the CW Mailbag

2008-07-11T15:52:00.007-04:00

Many of you have been asking about our inaugural Make It Happen weekend, whereby inaugural FOC Peter B. was selected to spend a weekend with Chris in his home:

Joe W. in Waldorf, Md., writes:
"So how was the big weekend with Peter? He is one lucky bra.

Louis P. in Roslyn writes:
"'Make It Happen'? Make what happen? A timely post? Right. So, how'd it go???"

Johnny #5 writes:
"Input, input!"

CW replies: We apologize for the delay, as covering this weekend was in fact such an exhausting assignment that key members of our editorial and production staff have just now emerged from CW Sick Bay to work on layout. Please check back with us shortly.

Breaking News: Chris Resumes Door Restoration Project

2008-07-11T15:01:00.021-04:00

Many visitors to the Chris Weekly corporate offices have noted that our front door lacks the professional appearance an e-rag of CW’s caliber should present. We’re pleased to report that after nearly a year of dodging the questions and comments out of shame and embarrassment over our company’s poor work ethic, we can now provide an explanation, as corporate lifted the staff gag order on the project and finally approved funds to resume renovation of our main entrance. [sound the trumpets] Even better, Chris talked to CW exclusively about his renewed enthusiasm for the project, his concerns and trepidations about “the next step” and just how the hell it ended up like that in the first place.

CW: So how long has the front door been “under construction”?

Chris: It all started with the lock. We began having trouble with our lock, the bottom part that you turn, and decided to get a new one. A shiny new Schlage. Installation seemed like it would be a breeze. And it would have been if the door were a standard size. The CW door is a big, heavy, solid, Baby Boom-era SOB. The hinges alone look like small oxygen canisters. They literally don’t make 'em like that anymore. So the lock ended up being half-installed. The top deadbolt works but the bottom lock still does not. It is permanently in lock mode and must be stuffed with something to keep the lock from engaging.

CW: Stuffed with something?

Chris: Yes, stuffed. For some time we used a fun-size Three Musketeers, which though not a permanent solution, sure seemed to do the trick for nearly a year. When the Three Musketeers began to under-perform, and by under-perform I mean shrivel up and harden, editorial just stuffed it with some tape or something, as the staff candy supply had long been depleted. And that’s how it stands today.

CW: And then…

Chris: And then I began to fixate on the door itself, or I should say, the inside part of the door. The part of the door that you actually notice.

CW: Tell us about how it looked prior to your intervention.

Chris: It was just a regular, heavy-ass door, with several coats of probably lead paint. Kind of a semi-gloss neutral beige color. At one point I noticed a tear in the paint, and it called to me to come peel it. Like when you peel someone’s sunburn. You can’t stop really until the whole layer is off or it looks uneven. You want to get down to the smooth new skin. So, in the face of much resistance from staff, both editorial and production, I kept peeling.

CW: Describe for readers the lowest point of the project.

Chris: At the lowest point, CW’s main lobby was covered in dust and likely toxic paint chips. It smelled of ammonia. It was not pleasant. [CW mascot] Marley had to be removed from the building, and staff was sent home for the day.

CW: And then…

Chris: And then the project stalled for a bit. Reasons for this include lack of funds, lack of time and lack of motivation or drive. CW staff adjusted to the “new look” of the door and, with the recession seemingly imminent, completing the renovation kept getting bumped lower and lower on corporate’s to-do list.

CW: Fast-forward to July 2008…

Chris: One morning staff became suddenly and irrationally irritated at the status of the project, and my “unwillingness” to field employee suggestions about “the next step.” To be honest, I was a bit nervous about making another move with the door, as replacing that sucker would likely be expensive and difficult. Thankfully I was able to sit down with the entire staff and hash out a plan. I was able to show them that, while I had chipped away many layers of the door, there remained a couple more to go, and that underneath that last layer was a smooth wooden surface that would probably only require a little sanding, some primer and several coats of paint. I reached that smooth layer the other day, as you see above.

CW: So what's keeping you motivated to finish?

Chris: It became clear to me after that last piece of warped white wood was pulled off that this project is now finite. The work load appears to be less than I thought, and with the committed assistance and support of the good people here at CW, there's no need to put it off any longer. I look forward to providing CW with pics upon completion.

CW: And we look forward to posting them. Thanks in advance for your hard work, big guy.

Chris Weekly: Let the newly renovated door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Gratuitous Chris Pic

2008-07-11T11:47:00.004-04:00

Chris, shown at Gazuza, a houka bar, in Dupont Circle Sunday night.

Enjoy!

Chris Recommends: Vampire Weekend

2008-07-09T15:41:00.003-04:00

CW Music Director and November FOC Tim H. turned Chris and the entire CW staff onto the best CD we've heard in a long time. Please do yourself a favor and check it out. And watch for those Oxford commas.

CW Celebrity Connection: Cox-Arquettes

2008-07-09T14:31:00.006-04:00

Inaugural FOC Peter B. provides us with our latest installment of CW: Celebrity Connection. Here, he's shown with "Friend"-ly couple Courtney Cox and David Arquette at a screening of David's short film, "The Butler's in Love."

Thanks, P!

Many of you have been asking for details from Peter's "Make It Happen" weekend. Please be patient, as the staff is still recovering from Peter's "Make It Happen" weekend. We appreciate your understanding.

From the CW Mailbag

2008-07-01T17:13:00.006-04:00

Barry H. in Fairfax writes:

"Hey, CW! I was in Alexandria this weekend trying to squeeze my fat ass into one of those new SmartCars when I noticed Chris saunter into the lot after having stopped in at the neighborhood bakery. He let me snap this pic after he 'CHRIStened' my new ride. I just had to share it with your readers. Enjoy!"

Close Encounters

2008-07-01T16:30:00.008-04:00

For many of our readers, there’s only one Chris Weekly: this, the publication you turn to when you need Chris news and want it now. But some readers have found through bad information or clumsy typing that there is indeed another Chris Weekly out there in cyberspace: http://chris.weekly.org. It’s a rivalry of which we’ve been aware for some time here at CW but the e-rag business can be cutthroat so we kept quiet about it due to seemingly competitive formats. Turns out Mr. Weekly comes in peace, and is not a threat to our mission in any way.

Upon closer inspection, chris.weekly.org is a personal MySpace-style page maintained by a guy named Chris Weekly. And he made contact with us today:

“I found this email address via http://chrisweekly.blogspot.com. Chris didn't have an obvious contact e-mail, but "Ruby Vino" did so I thought I’d say hi. My (real) name is Chris Weekly, http://chris.weekly.org is my site. I don't have an agenda, but I never met anyone w/ my name before so I thought I'd reach out.”

And we're glad you did, Chris. Allow us to consider you a "silent partner" of sorts. CW's chief financial officer, Max "Maximillion" Goldfarb, explains:

“With this recession looming, we were unsure how to commit to our usual advertising package without having to cut out staff bonuses or downsize holiday events. Just before I was about to move the CHRIStmas party to the Route 1 Famous Dave’s, I get a call from editorial about this Chris Weekly character. Now, I can completely eradicate our ad budget! Mr. Weekly’s existence alone is saving us thousands in marketing. Every time he signs his name we can throw a few bucks back into the annual bonus fund. The CHRIStmas party's back on at MiniBar! Thanks, Chris Weekly."

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-06-25T14:44:00.002-04:00

He works on his tan!

Really Big Shoe

2008-06-25T14:12:00.007-04:00

Check out this gem from the CW Archives:

Chris is shown donning November FOC Tim H.'s size 15 DD shoes after the flip-flops he was wearing were deemed inappropriate for the impromptu evening Tim orchestrated at one of his beautiful-people Georgetown nightspots. Said Tim, "Keep 'em, buddy. I only hope to one day walk a mile in yours."

Chris Weekly Goes Philanthropic

2008-06-25T12:35:00.024-04:00

You’ve heard of the Make-a-Wish Foundation, whereby terminally
ill children are granted wishes, which usually consist of meeting a celebrity or sports figure. While ours is still in the early stages of development, and certainly less honorable of a cause, Chris Weekly is proud to announce it has recently founded its own dream-fulfilling organization!

After many late meetings and much number-crunching, corporate recently gave the green light to The Make It Happen Foundation, which gives one lucky fan a chance to spend a long weekend with Chris, IN HIS HOME, and experience a typical weekend for him: the highs, the lows, the times of plenty and those of want. And after much consideration on the part of our editorial staff, we’ve decided to make inaugural FOC Peter B. from San Francisco our first participant in the Make It Happen program. Congratulations, Peter! Now listen to what you’ve won:

You’ll be flying in to the Washington D.C. metro area on your own dime, and staying at the posh Fairlington Villages on an air mattress on the floor. But wait, there’s more — in honor of CW’s commitment to making dreams come true for our readers, FV management is throwing in a top sheet and clean blanket at no charge. The Make It Happen package includes daily breakfast (Cheez-Its and Sunkist), a per diem of $7.16 for lunch (graciously donated by our production staff), dinner (a personal Totino’s Party Pizza, a Chris favorite!) and dessert (unlimited Flavor-Ice). Even your libations are covered; editorial is contributing its staff supply of Boone’s Farm (mixed berry), which it keeps in the supply room for “birthdays.” Additional highlights: low-cost showers and a de-mildewed towel. Your itinerary includes round-trip transportation into the city for sight-seeing during the day, and to the restaurant or club of your choice for dinner and late night revelry. CW has received (unconfirmed) reports that Chris himself will be picking you up from the airport, but we think it best to have a fitsky on hand for a cab.

Upon learning of the MIH program and his inaugural participation, Peter said:

“It just goes to show you that young people can make their dreams come true without lifting a finger. I’ve never been to DC and I’ve never been to Chris’s house. Now, thanks to Chris Weekly I can cross both of those off my Bucket List. Thanks, CW.”

We know you’re hesitant to believe us but we will have ample (and exclusive) coverage of Peter’s weekend here in Washington. He flies in next Thursday, July 3, so please check back with us that afternoon for more on this developing story.

Chris Weekly: Out there doing stuff for the community. Or at least our readers.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-06-11T15:30:00.007-04:00

He brunches!
(Usually Eggs Benny)

Battle Royale

2008-06-11T15:05:00.009-04:00

Sissy swallowed her pride this weekend and subjected herself to ignominious defeat at the hands of the big guy in Wii bowling. CW was on hand to capture the challenge, complete with strikes, spares and more turkeys than a Safeway in November. When asked for comment, Chris confirmed "It was like Thanksgiving up in here!" But alas, there can only be one winner. Nice job, Chris!

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-06-11T15:04:00.002-04:00

He sets his watch!

CW Mailbag

2008-06-11T14:23:00.012-04:00

Ricky Tinkle, you've been dethroned. Chris encountered his new #1 fan this weekend in the Ballston neighborhood of Arlington:

Sean P. from Clarendon writes:

"OMG. If I didn't have tickets to Rent at Wolftrap next weekend I'd say kill me now and I'd die happy. I was in Ballston on Saturday grabbing a sandwich at Potbelly when I noticed Chris and what appeared to be February FOC Sissy grabbing lunch. I approached him and he was so gracious and down-to-earth. He talked to me like we were friends; just a cool guy. He puts the Regular in Turkey Regular, no doubt. I couldn't wait to show him my new license plate (above), with which he happily posed. $10 extra for a vanity plate honoring the DC metro area's finest? Deal o' the year, mon! Thanks, Chris, for a kick-ass Saturday."

Thanks for sharing, Sean. We at CW have always thought vanity plates to be a bit lame, but those are seven characters and one space we could live with.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-06-11T14:22:00.002-04:00

He settles up!

From the Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher

2008-06-11T14:15:00.007-04:00

Good afternoon, all,

Don't let this photo from a recent company gathering fool you. It seems glamorous but it's business as usual at Chris Weekly. Unfortunately, the workload at my “real” job lately has been a bit heavy so you may have noticed CW posts have been light. [Hey, now that you mention it!] But don’t worry I’ve stuffed my sorries in a sack and prepared a perfectly delightful lineup for your Wednesday afternoon, complete with gratuitous Chris pics and other fun images from the past week.

February FOC and Virginia Beach Magistrate Sissy came in town this past weekend. We ate, we drank, we lounged by the pool. Saturday evening, after taking a stand against an extortionist parking garage in Chinatown and a torrential downpour, we bagged our plans for dinner in the city at Matchbox, and instead ended up at a Chris favorite, Del Merei Grille in Alexandria’s Del Ray neighborhood. Steaks for all and a bottle of Jim Jim Shiraz for the big guy and his lady. Sunday we brunched with November FOC Tim H., the girl he’s currently bringing home after work, and his brother Chris at Luna Grill in Shirlington. Then Tim H. joined us over at the pool for some chill time before heading down to the CW satellite offices in Mount Vernon to tie up some loose ends before hosting our semi-weekly company cookout. See, how we work on Sundays for you?

For those who’ve not yet made plans this evening, look for Chris up in Maryland at the Merriweather Post Pavilion where he’ll be attending the R.E.M. show. A first for Chris, he’s actually going to see the opening act (The National) not the headliner, which means he’s gotta get be at the venue by like 6:30! An unprecedented feat. Readers who know Chris best have expressed their concerns about him making such an early call:

“Won’t ever happen,” writes Brett in Alexandria.

“6:30? That means he has to be on the road by 5! Inconceivable!,” writes Sissy in Virginia Beach.

“I’m going too, buddy. Don’t worry, I’ll record it for ya,” writes Malcolm in Bethesda.

However, Chris is leaving work early today, using three hours of administrative leave, even, to get home in time for show prep. We think he's gonna make it with time to spare! As usual we hope to have pics for you tomorrow, but as usual don’t count on it.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-06-04T13:23:00.004-04:00

He buys in bulk!

Chris Takes a Sip

2008-06-04T13:13:00.008-04:00

Just so we can say CW remains true to its mission (namely seeing this boy's mug in the flesh or via photograph every day), here's a gratuitous Chris pic to combat your early afternoon energy crash. The big guy is shown enjoying a robust red at the Monterey Bay Fish Grotto, last Friday evening in Pittsburgh. Unfortunately the camera flash prohibits guests from capturing the restaurant's phenomenal views of the city.

CW Celebrity Connection: Dave Matthews

2008-06-02T17:09:00.007-04:00

Dave's bus, the morning after the encounter.

Dave can be seen in the center, entering the hotel lobby. But staff has been having a ball with that douchebag on the right.

We've said it before and we'll say it again: This job has its perks. Chris Weekly Editor in Chief, U.S., Kelly B. talks to Chris Weekly about her brush with fame this weekend in Pittsburgh:

CW: So you just happened to be staying at the same hotel as Dave Matthews in Pittsburgh this past weekend?

KB: Yeah, corporate really hooked it up this time around. The Detroit Red Wings and that guy from Ace Ventura, Dan 'Laces Out!' Marino, were also staying there.

CW: Had you been waiting all evening in the hotel lobby for the band?

KB: No, actually I had just returned from covering Chris's dinner at Monterey Bay Fish Grotto, an absolutely charming seafood joint with city-wide views atop Mount Washington. (He had the seared sea scallops, by the way.) As we approached the hotel we saw that there were areas roped off by the front entrance. Also a couple tour busses were lined up. We knew DMB was staying there so we figured he must be returning soon. Then as we walked in we noticed our friends waiting in the front lobby with cameras ready. Dave's post-show arrival was imminent. Next thing we know Carter Beauford walks through the door. Then the tour bus he got off of pulled away. We all assumed that Dave must enter through a back way or something, lest he be accosted by fans. But then lo and behold he walks right through the front door. En route to the elevator he stopped to take pics with about 10 fans, and I was one of them.

CW: Did you exchange words at all?

KB: Yes, he asked me "Which way am I looking?," as flashes were going off all around us. I said "Right there," and pointed straight ahead to Chris, who then captured the shot you see above. He then gave me a squeeze on my side and I said "Thank you so much!" in my typical overly-enthusiastic manner.

CW: Best celebrity encounter so far?

KB: Oh yes, by far. Though sitting at the hotel bar with Anthony Bourdain while he smoked a cigarette at Le Cirque in New Orleans in 2002 came close. I also maintain that I saw Bob Balaban (Russell Dalrymple for Seinfeld fans) in an airport once but that is an unconfirmed sighting.

CW Exclusive: Chris Boogie-oogie-oogies til He Just Can't Boogie No More

2008-06-02T16:56:00.006-04:00

Much like one of his TV heroes, Brandon Walsh, Chris doesn’t dance. But with the right combination of music, revelry and alcohol, he has been known to find his way to the dance floor.

From the CW Mailbag

2008-06-02T16:46:00.005-04:00

Randy in Pittsburgh writes:

"Holy slap shot! My wife and I and our matching mudflaps were waiting outside the Marriott Renaissance in Pittsburgh this weekend, hoping to spot some of the Detroit Red Wings, who were staying there for the Stanley Cup. But it was us who scored the winning goal! Just as we were about to be shooed away by the doormen, Chris comes out the front entrance, just like a regular guy, and waited with friends for a taxi. No car service, no entourage, just waiting for a ride on a city street like everybody else. He was so nice we even snapped a pic of him and his buddy for you (at left). He really is just like us!

From the Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher

2008-06-02T16:18:00.008-04:00

Good afternoon all,

[insert requisite apology for infrequent posts here]

Here at CW we work hard but play even harder. Staff is moving slowly today with a serious case of The Mondays after a road trip weekend of good friends, good times and general ribaldry in Pittsburgh. Ryan, first cousin of disqualified October FOC Lauren M., married his betrothed in the industrial metropolis Saturday. But he didn’t even register for what was surely his best gift: Chris! In the flesh. When asked for comment by a CW reporter, the groom replied, "That's one thank-you note that'll write itself!"

Always one to celebrate the joining of two hearts and the eternal gift that is matrimony, Chris blew his fortnight’s grocery money at Total Wine and Beverage and Amoco, packed his best suit and headed up north for the festivities. Thankfully he remembered to notify our offices first so we were able to dispatch a reporter to the scene forthwith, and bring you the exclusive coverage that follows. That's right, we've got the boy dressing, eating, sipping and dancing so don't touch that mouse...

Letter to the Editor

2008-05-23T13:44:00.011-04:00

No creature, human or beast, can resist lap/scratch time with the big guy.

June asserts herself as an official FOC candidate.

Johnny thanks new satellite office manager and MOC Kathy T. for his new gig.

Jerry in Woodbridge writes:

"Hey, CW. You were right to post that disclaimer ["CW First Look: New Satellite Office Mascots," May 23]. I went into mild cardiac arrest when I saw those images. I felt like I just had to nuzzle something! But with a barren wife and no pets to speak of I had to settle for this afghan blanket that sits atop my La-Z-Boy. But I popped a couple Benadryl and threw back a Michelob Light so I’m all good now and ready for more puppy pics. Tell Chris I said wussup!"

CW replies: Thanks for writing, Jerry. You asked for 'em and you got 'em. Now, take it easy, pal. Breathe deep. The cuteness quotient multiplies in these. [The preceding statements serve as our disclaimer for this batch.]

Workin' for the Weekend

2008-05-23T13:18:00.008-04:00

While November FOC Tim H. readies for Memorial Day weekend festivities with a few lunges and deep knee bends, Chris gives us a "digital" shoutout, extending heartfelt holiday wishes to CW staff and you, our beloved readers. Happy weekend, everyone!

Please note that CW offices will be closing early today to allow our employees more time to hit the liquor store and Safeway for provisions. [And to reflect on the atrocities of war and the sacrifice of our fallen brethren, jeez!]

CW First Look: New Satellite Office Mascots!

2008-05-23T12:37:00.009-04:00

Johnny and June: We think these two are going to work well together.

A real go-getter, ready for his first assignment. We like that sort of work ethic here at CW.

But we also appreciate this work ethic. Perhaps more so.

Being a no-nonsense hard-nosed publication means it can get crazy here at CW. We will wear your ass out.

Happy Getaway Day, y'all!

Okay, we know you’re frustrated with us, but let’s bury the hatchet in the name of Chris and the impending holiday weekend, as there is nothing Chris looks forward to more than a day off from work. So, what’s been going on with us, you ask? Well... [drum roll] We can’t help but think of Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias when we exult, “We’re a chain!”

While the nation’s economy may be in the toilet, CW’s funds have been booming, so much so that we were able to expand our facilities and open a satellite office down in the Mount Vernon area of Alexandria. Having confirmed that, we’d like to give an official CW welcome to MOC Kathy T., who has been named office manager of our new digs. The abundance of funds also allowed us to bring in some additional staff. Please welcome our new satellite mascots, Johnny and June! They join the satellite office’s mascot-at-large, Nesta [much to her chagrin], and CW’s original mascot, The Divine Miss M. No, the little cuddlebugs won’t be helping with production or out in the field reporting but they’ve already taken to Chris and have proven to be a big hit at company events, which are the only real requirements of our mascots.

So then, without further ado, we give you Johnny and June. WARNING: THE IMAGES PRESENTED HERE ARE FREAKING ADORABLE. Corporate is making us provide that disclaimer, and recommends that viewers are seated with feet on the floor and both hands on the armrests in preparation for cuteness overload. [Just trying to cover our asses in this overly litigious society.]

What Did Chris Have for Lunch Today?

2008-05-14T16:17:00.005-04:00

"Got a chicken gumbo at Au Bon Pain. It's new. Not that good. Just okay. I wanted to try something new."

So, what did he wish he'd gotten?

"I wish I had gotten the Loaded Baked Potato."

Chris then provided us with the recipe and cooking instructions for Loaded Baked Potato soup. Say no more, big guy. We've already dispatched our new summer intern to the nearest Safeway for ingredients. Be sure to check back for this guaranteed installment of "Chris Takes a Bite!"

Chris Takes a Bite

2008-05-13T18:27:00.005-04:00

Corporate received a frantic call the other day from November FOC Tim H. to come over to his place forthwith, as Chris was on his way over with a pie from Generous George's Positive Pizza and Pasta Palace. We had one of our new summer interns transcribe the call for the readership:

"Hey, guys, I know you're busy with editorial and production stuff, but I wanted to let you know that Chris is en route to my place and he's bringing pizza! Now, I don't want to tell you how to do your job or anything but you might want to dispatch a reporter over here stat. I vacuumed and dusted, and even put it on an HD sports channel like he likes, so I'm hoping that'll hold him 'til you arrive. Thanks, guys!"

Good plan, T. It's that sort of cooperation between reporter and source that enable us to bring you these exclusive action shots for our latest installment of "Chris Takes a Bite," now a fan favorite.

Late Breaking News: Chris Goes and Cuts That Hair

2008-05-13T17:41:00.012-04:00

Chris and his luscious coif pre-cut.

Worried about a possible language barrier, Chris gives his stylist the ol' "Make me look like this!" and shows her his driver's license.

We wish he would have stopped at this c. 1989-90 crew cut.

A little more off the top. Chris gets his hair cut so infrequently that he likes to take it low. Just a hair above military, pun intended.

Hot damn, we love our job. [Our fantasy job. Our real job, not so much.]

Cal from Arlington writes:

"Holy, s^%$! Was that Chris I saw getting a cut at the new Shirlington Hair Cuttery? See, I thought he still got his hair cut at TC International Salon. I got in trouble with them the other day for loitering outside, as I heard Chris was looking to get a trim. I thought maybe we could finally meet. You know, on neutral ground. But I know Chris can't turn down a deal like the HC. 14 bucks can still get you a good cut, eh buddy?"

CW replies: That's right, Cal. Normally one to say "flow it, show it, long as I can grow it," Chris realized he had to make a date with a set of clippers before his annual meeting in the city for his job, and the allure of a new, super-convenient walk-in establishment with late hours and low prices was too much for him to resist. While we at CW like the big guy with a little scruff, the establishment, as well as most of his friends, family and fans, prefer Chris clean-shaven. Whatever. We were just happy to get the scoop.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-05-10T20:04:00.003-04:00

He shucks corn! Check out this four-frame expose we captured at a weekend cookout with disqualified FOC candidate Lauren M. and her gentleman caller Anthony. What a score!

Workin' at the Car Wash, Yeah!

2008-05-10T19:58:00.003-04:00

Editorial will cringe at the following cliche, but better late than never, right? CW forgot to post these additional shots from the Subaru grille [yes, we realize we've been misspelling it] installation. Thankfully, Ricky Tinkle's angry emails in our inbox served as a needed reminder. Enjoy. [Grrr. Lucky car]

Grillin' Out (Literally and Figuratively)

2008-05-09T16:29:00.010-04:00

Off with the old grill...

...and on with the new!

BOC and December FOC Brett T. celebrates the trouble-free installation the Chris way: with charbroiled, high-sodium, high-fat tubular meats!

Casey from Fairfax writes:

"What up, Chris Weekly! Google Maps is the best. I finally figured out where the CW satellite offices are! So Saturday I was lucky enough to stumble upon the big guy doing a little body work on the WRX in the garage. That and a little Popeye’s chicken on the way home made my weekend. Love those buttered biscuits, eh, buddy??"

CW replies: Yes, Casey, this past weekend Chris had his way with the CW staff vehicle, stripping it of its factory grill and installing one that’s decidedly more “race car.” Though corporate was a bit nervous about having Chris do the job himself, Chris assuaged our fears by merely pointing to past examples of his craftsmanship, namely our newly renovated bathroom and kitchen. We then gave ourselves several lashings for doubting Chris. The project went well, as he’d promised. In fact, his beautifully thin wrists enabled him to expedite the process, as he didn’t have to remove the bumper as he’d planned. The "grillin' out" continued after the installation, as we threw a couple dogs and brats on the barbie for a good ol' fashioned Saturday evening cookout.

Letter to the Editor

2008-05-07T14:40:00.004-04:00

Mickey from Chantilly writes:

"Hey, CW! I thought for sure you'd do a post for Cinco de Mayo. I'd really been looking forward to it, as my Cinco kind of sucked. I just got a couple Meximelts from Taco Bell and watched a documentary on the History channel about Cuban drug lords in Miami. Close enough, right? CW forever!"

CW replies: Hi, Mickey, and thanks for writing. We do indeed have footage from Cinco de Mayo but the way production is moving, we knew it would be more like Ocho de Mayo before it was posted. However, Editor-in-Chief Kelly B. is home from her "real job" today, so you're in luck! We have the above pics for you an entire 24 hours ahead of schedule.

Normally one to round up the troops for a bonafide celebration, Chris eschewed the homemade guacamole and mariachi band for a more low-key Cinco this year. We got the call around 5 on Monday to pick up some chips, some dip and margarita mix. One thing we noticed while covering this event was that Chris really likes this holiday. Partly for his compassion toward the Mexican people for that whole taking of California thing, but mostly because it's an excuse to build a night around Mexican food and tequila shots, two of his faves. [Only we didn't do Mexican food per se. We opted for margaritas and a chips-and-cheese starter course, followed by brown sugar salmon on the grill and corn niblets.] Said Chris when probed by CW reporters about what Cinco means to him:

"It means victory for the underdog, man. Most people think Cinco de Mayo is Mexico's Independence Day. But it's actually a celebration of their victory over the French in the Battle of Puebla. I'm no master of race relations, but I'm not sure what better way there is to celebrate a triumphant Mexican victory than with margaritas and Tostitos con queso. Gosh, I love that stuff."

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-05-07T14:38:00.002-04:00

He likes Slurpees! [preferably Coke and cherry mixed]

Late Breaking News: Tim and Andy "CHRISten" New Couch

2008-05-01T16:08:00.008-04:00

After weeks of low traffic due to a lack of furniture, new roommates BOC Andy T., Esq., and November FOC Tim H. finally got their couch(es) and threw an impromptu dinner party last week to celebrate. The intimate occasion also served as an opportunity for one of the big guy’s official "CHRIStenings," whereby Chris actually makes a house call—he comes out to you!—and uses your new purchase. He says it gives inanimate objects a little jolt of positive energy to ensure a lifetime of service. Kinda like that slap on the ass that doctors give a newborn to jumpstart breathing. [Or used to. Damned political correctness.]

Press-hungry Tim H. left us a “hot tip” on our voicemail about the party so we were able to score this exclusive pic. And a bowl of chow. When asked after the pasta dinner how he felt, an excitable Tim replied:

“I’m feeling good, man, I really am. We got our couch, Chris is here sitting on it … Whew! I haven’t felt such a rush since the last time he came over. Thanks, buddy!”

Chris Weekly: The slap on the ass you need to keep breathing.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-05-01T16:07:00.002-04:00

He surfs the web. [A lot.]

We Likes 'Em "CHRISpy"

2008-04-29T16:47:00.008-04:00

We felt this one deserved its own post. Chris agreed.

(Recorded) LIVE: T/W/K Family Cookout '08, Y'all!

2008-04-29T10:57:00.008-04:00

Uncle Paul and Aunt Adele W. enjoy Chris-cooked pork tenderloin and salad.

The Sisters W. (Abby and Audrey) enjoy... we're not sure what they're eating.

Cousins Adam and Jeremy think Marley is enjoying some quality time with them but no, she's fine-tuning her imminent plan to snatch Adam's hot dog.

Aunt Lou and Uncle Tim K. take a breather after a weekend of non-stop partying.

Nesta warms up to the W. clan's new pup, Riley. Nesta, who had been advertised as "loves all dogs" growled and snarled like a wolverine upon their first encounter.

Ken in Lorton writes:

"Hey, CW. I canceled my dentist appt. the other day cuz you said you were going to post Chris's mom's pics from the cookout!! What the F?? Now I wasted a personal day, have to reschedule with Dr. Kan and I still haven't seen Chris's extended family! Thanks for nothin'... Tell Chris I said wussup!"

CW replies: Thanks for writing, Ken. MOC Kathy T. is learning what every freelancer finds out the hard way: Editors never publish your stuff when they say they will ["Chrisspotting," April 23]. That’s the biz, that’s the way it is. And CW, which despite recent productivity levels continues to hold itself to the highest journalistic standards, is no different. In fact, oversetting already late content is one area in which we excel. And so, without further ado, we give you (recorded) live coverage of the T/W/K cookout.

Chrisspotting

2008-04-23T17:18:00.013-04:00

Chris mulls beer options at Safeway for a family cookout on Saturday.

[Ed. Note: Chris asked us to let readers know that while he was happy to pose for Ray from Alexandria, he was merely buying Miller Lite as a cost-effective group purchase for the cookout. When asked to clarify, he said emphatically, 'I don't drink that s%$#.']

Danny from Dale City writes:

"We, your beloved and faithful readers, understand that oftentimes pressures of this 'real world” establishment you speak of outweigh those of CW. But that’s when you must ask yourself, where does my passion lie? Does not your passion lie with CW? No apologies necessary, no hard feelings. Just get back to work. One more thing: Was that Chris I saw at the new Route 1 Safeway? He was loading groceries into his car! Doesn’t he have people to do that??"

Ray from Alexandria writes:

"Hey, CW! Just when I thought my weekend was gonna blow, I saw Chris unloading his groceries into the car. But I knew no one would believe me. Thankfully for you I had my trusty Nikon D40 with me. I also encountered him in the beer aisle, and was lucky enough to park right next to him out in the lot! I snapped him weighing beer options (he kept mumbling something about ‘unit per ounce’?) and also a three-frame expose of him out in the lot. He really is just like us! I love the Utz plain rippled Big Bag too, buddy! Talk about being at the right place at the right time. I was so excited to follow him out of the lot I went off and left the wife. I paid for it later at TJ Maxx. CW rules!"

CW replies:
Danny, Ray, thanks for writing and for still being there. Yes, if you were buying groceries this weekend at the new Safeway on Route 1 across from the Subaru dealership, you likely saw the big guy stocking up on goodies for a cookout with the T. family that included aunts, uncles and cousins from the W. and K. clans of New York and Buffalo, respectively. [And no, while he’s certainly considered it, he has yet to hire domestic help for such errands.] CW was tipped off about the grocery store trip, and ensuing cookout, on Friday so we had time to dispatch our best reporter to the scene to cover the spread: pork tenderloin and hot dogs on the grill, mac and cheese, salad and the requisite chips and assorted dips. We’ve got pics coming for you but our production team is “in the weeds.” We hope to have those posted for you by tonight.

Speaking of photos, they will be courtesy of guest photo editor MOC Kathy T. The cookout allowed CW to give THE WORLD’S GREATEST ADMIN PROFESSIONAL her first freelance assignment for this blog. After repeatedly contacting our offices looking for a gig, corporate gave us the okay to give her the okay to shoot the cookout. When you’re trying to make a name for yourself on an international publication like CW, it helps to know someone in editorial. Congratulations, Kathy, and nice work.

Sheri, Barb, You Might Want to Watch Your Back

2008-04-23T14:30:00.012-04:00

Many readers have asked about Chris’s photo of the Hancock Building and whether McGraw-Hill ever made him an offer ["Late Breaking News: Bigtime Publisher to Buy Chris's Hancock Photo for Use in Textbook," April 3]. Unfortunately those bastards decided to go with another artist but said they would consider Chris's photos for future projects. So they're not complete morons. Chris, though disappointed, took the news well. Ricky Tinkle, Chris's #1 Fan, evidently has a tougher time dealing with rejection (of Chris's photographs). We found this in the CW e-Mailbag after lunch:

Death to McGraw-Hill
You turned away from genius
And you’ll be sorry.

What more could you want?
I have it framed on my wall.
You just don’t know art.

And now you must pay.
My promise lies in your name:
“Will harm.” It’s a date.

Letters to the Editor

2008-04-04T15:07:00.019-04:00

When you leave people hanging for almost a month, they’re gonna have a bunch of questions. Join us as we rifle through CW’s e-Mailbag!

Gene H. in Dulles writes:

“How do these companies find Chris’s photographs?”

CW replies: That’s a good question, Gene. We forwarded your query to the big guy himself, who provided a personalized reply, you lucky dog: “Hey Gene, thanks for writing. I suppose they search Flickr for the subject they’re looking for, in this case the John Hancock building.”

February FOC Sissy in Virginia Beach writes:

“What’s he asking for [price-wise for the Hancock photo]? Will it be a flat rate or one where he gets paid every time someone buys the book? Also, where’s your old TV? Does your new one hang on the wall?

CW replies: Good questions, all, Sis. Our old TV, pictured above, went to two Hokies, Todd and Terry, or some similar-sounding couple who answered Chris's ad on Craigslist. Though we’re baffled as to why anyone would plunk down $100 for an analog-only CRT television set, we happily pocketed the cash and put it toward desperately needed CW supplies like Lip Smacker, Red Bull, PepsiMAX, green tea and edamame — the recipe for success.

No, the new TV, Philip(s), has not yet been affixed to the wall, but that’s not for lack of wanting it there. Chris’s Madrid trip intercepted installation plans. Also, BOC Andy T. and November FOC and two-time FOC runner-up Tim H. recently purchased an HDTV and would like to hang it on the wall, so we imagine sort of a joint project kind of thing. Readers can expect full coverage of the installation, as it’s sure to try the patience and relationships of all parties involved.

Julio F. in Arlington writes:

"Can we remove the picture of [Alex] Ovechkin ["Breaking News: Chris Pic Named DCist Photo of the Day," March 13]? I’ve seen it 500 times."

CW replies: Thanks for writing, Jules. We forwarded your query to our new webmaster, Gary, who had this to say:

“Why not remove the faces off Mount Rushmore since we’ve seen them 500 times already? What about the Statue of Liberty? I’m pretty familiar with her mug too. Bottom line, Julio, is that once a piece of art has been introduced to the public, in this case the entry entitled, “Chris Pic Named DCist Photo of the Day,” it is theirs to keep. Your frequency in checking the blog, while appreciated, is the reason you grew tired of the image. Some readers may not have checked in for a month or so. Best not to scroll down that far anymore. Thanks!”

Chris Weekly: Asking -- and answering -- the tough questions.

Late Breaking News: Bigtime Publisher to Buy Chris's 'Hancock' Photo for Use in Textbook

2008-04-03T17:49:00.023-04:00

We gotta hand it to Sheri and Barb; they know good pics when they see 'em. Little do they know, Chris has no photojournalistic integrity and is always for sale. This will be the easiest deal they make all year:

"We are a photo research team working for McGraw-Hill on the Contemporary Mathematics in Context Course 3 SE. The authors are requesting images of the John Hancock building in Chicago. For publication we would require 300 dpi hi-resolution JPG.

We saw your photo of the John Hancock Building and want to speak to you regarding your pricing for the use of your image. Thank you in advance for your help on this project.

Best Regards,

Sheri Arredondo/Photo Researcher
Barb Ericksen/Photo Researcher"

Congratulations, Chris!

Inbox Surprise

2008-04-03T17:18:00.010-04:00

Look what we found waiting for us in the CW e-Mailbag! Just when we thought we'd have to go another day without seeing that boy's mug, he sends us these pics from Madrid.

Chris also sent us the menu for his fancy Spanish dinner tonight. People think Chris eats late? Spaniards start dinner around 9:00 pm and it goes on into the night. The dinner with this particular menu was scheduled to end around 3:00 am:

First Act
Lychees Caviar with Foie gras
Smoked salmon terrine with quince and idiazabal cheese
Potatoes with garlic mayonnaise and herring spawn
Cream of mushrooms with cardamon oil
Cabrales cheese, apple and nut croquettes
Quail legs with soya
Tomato and courgette milfoils
Prawn, Japanese bread and ginger sauce brochette

Second Act
Foie gras cream with Pedro Ximenez
Hake with stewed artichokes
Sirloin steak á la moutarde ancienne
Sacher cous-cous
The Casino´s crazy sweets
Colombian coffee

Any guesses as to what Chris will actually eat? Our bet is on the sirloin steak, although we didn't tell him moutarde ancienne means "old mustard." Ignorance is bliss in this case.

Late Breaking News: It’s an HD!

2008-04-03T16:09:00.003-04:00

Chris Weekly hopes you’ll put your hands together and give it up for the latest addition to the CW family: our new HDTV, Philip(s), weighing in at 76 lbs, 5.2 oz., and measuring a luxurious 47 inches. Chris may be on the fence about rearing small humans, but he gushed to CW exclusively about his long-held desire to scoop up one of these babies:

“I couldn’t handle it anymore, being the only one without an HDTV. Now I can’t handle being in the same room as standard def. It disgusts me and I won’t look at it. Phil’s been a real relationship builder too. I’m much more willing to watch something if it’s in HD so Kelly is more likely to slip one of her lame movies in. I'm lovin' it. Buy o’ the year!”

Above, Chris is shown as he holds his HDTV for the first time, always a special moment for a guy.

Chris Weekly: '08 Comeback Special

2008-04-03T15:03:00.010-04:00

Eduardo from Madrid writes:

"Hello, I am loyal reader of your publication Chris Weekly. I am from Madrid and very much like your publication. My friends like too. Please to tell, are my eyes playing tricks? Did we see Chris at American work conference downtown this morning? Keep it up the good work."

CW replies: No, Eddie, you’re eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. Chris is indeed in Madrid for work, having fallen ass-backwards into the trip when his director “sprained her ankle” and ended up having to have surgery. Yeah, we’re thinking of Tonya Harding and Jeff Gillooly too. Anything to get those cool passport stamps. But in any event, he’s over there for a week so CW news is admittedly light. We have a layout meeting today and a quick presentation with a new traffic manager, and then here’s our evening agenda: 7:00-8:00—pining for Chris; 8:15-8:30—dinner; 8:30:9:30—longing for Chris; 9:30-9:45—shower; and finish things off with a good long yearning for Chris from 10:00 to 11:30.

On another note, we’d like to get a little personal here and apologize for our abrupt cessation of content. It’s been a long time, we know. Far too long. To those readers who still bother to check in with us each day, though they’ve been met with a photo of Alex Ovechkin’s jersey for the last three weeks: words can’t express how much we appreciate, and rely on, your never-ending loyalty. For those who quit us, please revisit our recent "don't give up on us" post ["(Disgruntled) Letter to the Editor," March 6).

See, what happened was CW offices adopted a more European business model, and shut down in March for spring holiday. Yeah, we’re a tough, hard-workin’ “these colors don’t run” American e-rag on the outside, but we have a Eurotrash heart when it comes to vacation, or rather, holiday. As is customary over there, we spent our days downing red wine, riding bikes through the countryside, eating baguettes and gathering fresh ingredients from the local markets for our evening feast.

While it may have been perceived as cruel by some readers, and grounds for ex-communication, our unannounced leave of absence was necessary in order to avoid the protests from readers that surely would have followed had we told you of our plans, and to maintain the level of excellence in Chris journalism to which you have become accustomed. Content and productivity were suffering, but now we’re rejuvenated, revitalized and galvanized, and everybody wins when an energized staff returns to work. Now, let’s talk Chris.

Chris Weekly: We're back, baby.

Breaking News: Chris Pic Named DCist Photo of the Day

2008-03-13T13:06:00.005-04:00

Scott from Columbia Heights writes:

"Hey CW. Usually the best part of a Caps game for me is the winning goal. Or some cheese sticks. But last night, upon returning to my seat after scoring a winning goal of my own— a Bud Light —I saw that Chris was at the game too! And sitting in my section! My row, even! My wife and I got to squeeze our fat asses past him and his friends to get back to our seats! It. was. awesome. Wow, he sure takes a lot of pictures."

CW replies: Good eye, Scott. Chris was indeed at last night’s Caps game, thanks to a couple of free tickets and an invite from BOC and December FOC Brett T. and his friend, Mai.

Yes, the big guy does take a hell of a lot of pics, and more often times than not they are posted online, either here at CW or on sites like DCist, which has again recognized Chris’s photographic prowess. This pic of Alex Ovechkin -- who scored the winning goal for the Caps resulting in a 3-2 victory over the Flamers -- was selected at DCist’s Photo of the Day! Congratulations, big guy. The following statement goes for you and Ovechkin: Good. Good Shot.

Chriswatching [via Satellite From Music City]

2008-03-08T15:06:00.010-05:00

Not to be outdone by February FOC Mer B., Tammy from Leesburg is pitching in as well. She writes:

"Hey there, CW! I was out Chriswatching the other day, like I always do, you know, hanging out at all of his favorite spots, hoping he'll show up, when guess what? He did! I immediately got on the phone to all my girlfriends and they were SO jealous. Anyway, I took this from across the room at a local eatery (I don't want to say where or else it will be swamped) and I was going to put it in my special 'Chris' album, but I thought it was just too good a picture not to share. How could I keep this priceless photo to myself? It deserves to be seen by all his fans. So enjoy, everyone!"

Good lookin' out, Tammy. And nice shot! [Though Chris notes that you clearly had your camera on the wrong setting.]

Classic Chris [via Satellite From Music City]

2008-03-08T11:43:00.013-05:00

See, this is why we heart the CW community. We all have the common goal of seeing Chris’s mug every day, whether it’s face to face or on this blog. And like any good team, when one member is down, the others pick up the slack. CW extends a heartfelt thank you to February FOC Sissy for providing us with some pics for our “Classic Chris” segment, as Editor-in-Chief Kelly B. plugs along down in Music City at a [gulp] religious broadcasters convention for her “real job.” Here we see Chris on Christmas morning 2007. It was a big year for Redskins garb.

Throwing You a Bone

2008-03-06T12:13:00.005-05:00

In these aforementioned days of content recession, our staff has resorted to sifting through the archives for random pics, just so you can say you saw Chris today. Our motto has become: When in doubt, post Chris eating out. And so, we give you this recent pic of Chris finishing up his jambalaya at The Carlyle, which always satisfies. [Pics of Chris eating, not jambalaya. Though that works too.]

(Disgruntled) Letter to the Editor

2008-03-06T11:52:00.012-05:00

Lee G. in Silver Spring writes:

"Chris Weekly? Hmmph. More like Chris Monthly. Windows 95 updates more often than this s%$#!

CW replies: Please don’t give up on us now, Lee. The resentment embedded in the recent batch of calls and letters tells us we owe you and the entire readership an explanation as to why posts have become so infrequent as of late.

In a nutshell, our editorial chief and head writer, Kelly B., has gone from an office to a cube farm setup at her “real job.” Now, instead of working on Chris Weekly during her downtime, she must work on more work, as her screen is now visible to passersby such as colleagues or more importantly, her editor.

Believe us, dear readers, she has taken chances to bring you the Chris coverage you need, demand and, heretofore, had come to expect. Take the recent post about Chris going shopping for new jeans ["Chris: He's Just Like Us," Feb. 29]. A colleague walked by as the picture of Chris tucking in his shirt was on her screen. To him, it looked like a picture of a guy with his hand down his pants, which supposedly warranted his boisterous reaction of, “I saw that, Kelly!” She then had to explain to him that it’s merely a picture of Chris trying on pants in a department store. She then had to explain to him why she was editing a picture of Chris trying on pants in a department store. And so forth.

To make matters worse, this “real job” is taking Kelly even further away from her duties here at CW, as she leaves tomorrow for a business trip to Nashville. While our staff tried to brainstorm with Chris about a possible “special guest editor” position for him throughout the weekend, he declined, but promised to document his weekend with his prized Nikon and forward the images to Nashville forthwith, as Kelly’s editors have hinted at downtime in the newsroom. Chris says, among other things, he plans to go down to his mom’s at some point to give The Mar some outside time and, of course, wash the CW staff vehicle; and log infinitesimal hours of uninterrupted bliss on his beloved laptop. Planned weekend segments include,” “Workin’ at the Car Wash, Yeah!,” “Chris: Dinner for One,” and “Web of Intrigue.”

So, please don’t remove Chris Weekly from your blogroll, Lee. CW needs its readers to be there waiting once Kelly B. develops a consistent, clandestine yet office-appropriate posting regimen, and segment frequency returns to the glory days of Fall ’07. For now, we look to Starsky and Hutch star and one-hit wonder David Soul for the words we can't seem to find:

Don't give up on us, baby
We're still worth one more try
I know we put a last one by
Just for a rainy evening
When maybe stars are few
Don't give up on us, I know
We can still come through

Chris Weekly: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Chris Takes a Sip

2008-03-04T15:02:00.010-05:00

"That new Dogfish place at Seven Corners is off the chain, y'all. I had lunch there recently and just as I was about to leave I hear Chris behind me placing his order! The wife said we had to get over to Sears so I couldn’t stay. I even tried to fake complain to the manager about the check. Just wanted to see what he got."

Jesse in Springfield

CW replies: Thanks for writing, Jesse. Please rely on us for the Chris coverage you can’t get on your own. It’s what we do. And your story reminds us of why we do it.

So, Jesse, what do you order when you can’t decide what you want? Chris gets the “Can’t-Decide”! Above, Chris is shown ordering Dogfish Head’s Can't-Decide, a sampler of their finest ales during a recent visit to the Dogfish Head Alehouse on Route 7 in Falls Church. (He liked the 60- and 90-Minute IPAs best.)

After work was out of the way, Chris invited us to kick back and order a Coke. Jeah.

Chris Weekly: When you "can't decide" how to spend your time.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-02-29T15:38:00.010-05:00

He goes shopping for new jeans! (And puts his pants on one leg at a time.)

Chris Weekly: Premium-quality journalism at an unbeatable price.

The Awakening

2008-02-29T14:27:00.003-05:00

The Awakening, a 100-foot statue of a giant embedded in the earth, and struggling to break free. The installation, a longtime Washington fixture at East Potomac Park, was recently relocated to Maryland’s National Harbor.

The Awakening, a 6’ 3 giant embedded in his bed, struggles to drag himself out from beneath the covers. This particular installation was relocated to his Washington place of employment.

State of the Union

2008-02-28T16:33:00.003-05:00

Chris shows a Chris Weekly reporter what's up.

He's taken, ladies!

Chris Takes a Bite

2008-02-28T11:54:00.007-05:00

We know it looks glamorous but it's business as usual here at CW. At South Austin Grill Tuesday night, Chris selected a lucky chip from a basket that previously contained nearly 150 hopefuls, and let our reporter capture the dip, crunch and munch on film for CW readers who could not attend the event ["Letter to the Editor," Feb. 27], and also for our staff's own amusement (read: obsession).

And for those taking note, the big guy likes his tortilla chips hot/warm, sufficiently salted and accompanied by ample medium-hot salsa or (his wife's) guacamole.

Letter to the Editor

2008-02-28T11:29:00.014-05:00

(L-R): Chris, Josh, Brett and Andy. Chris and Andy discuss what Chris will order for dinner while the J-man mugs for the camera.

Dewey from Woodbridge writes:

"I caught wind that Chris would be dining at South Austin Grill the other night so my date and I stopped by after our movie let out. I found Chris dining with a party of about 5; most of the faces I recognized but there was this one Johnny-come-lately I’ve never seen before who was all chummy with Chris. Does someone mind telling me what the hell’s going on???!"

CW replies: Calm down, Dewey. No one’s trying to pull a fast one on you. The "Johnny-come-lately" of whom you spoke is actually Chris’s buddy and established metro area resident, Josh B., who has returned to DC area after a six-month move to Oregon! The T. Family gathered with Josh and some friends at the Grill for a Welcome Back party of sorts, and of course CW dispatched its best reporter to the scene for exclusive coverage. And while we were honored to get the scoop, and it was great to see the ol’ fella, it was difficult to concentrate on Josh with Chris giving us both attention and his always photogenic consumption shots, which we’ve determined we’ll save for the next installment of our new favorite segment, “Chris Takes a Bite.”

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-02-28T10:27:00.003-05:00

He shops for iPod accessories!

Gratuitous Marley Pics

2008-02-27T20:08:00.010-05:00

Hello all, or rather those faithful readers who have not yet deserted us and (thankfully) continue to importune for content:

We were home today from our "real jobs" due to an office-wide bout of cocktail flu. CW was tipped off about an impromptu gathering for Josh B., friend of Chris and honorary member of the T. family, the Tom Hagen to our familigia, who has returned to the DC metro area after a stab at life in Portland, Ore. [Welcome back, Josh!] So, while you guys may be irritated with our staff at our now-typical infrequent posts, try to find solace in the promise of pics and commentary from this most joyous reunion. Unfortunately, we had been experiencing technical difficulties throughout the day and were not able to download the pics amassed from the last few days until Chris returned to us from his socially mandated eight-hour workday. But he's home now and CW is now back up and running at full capacity. We promise more posts before quittin' time. For now, satiate yourself with these pics of Chris and his best (canine) girl, who enjoyed a spirited round of Stick-y on Sunday afternoon.

Chris Weekly: To love us is to love our mascot.

Breaking News: Chris to Earn Free Meal @ Cosi

2008-02-20T14:35:00.017-05:00

Who says there's no such thing as a free lunch? Upon conducting our daily lunchtime interview with Chris, an intrepid reporter here at CW learned that Chris was just ONE MEAL SHY of a free meal at Cosi! You could say he's so close to a free meal he can taste it. It went down like this: When asked what he'll likely do for lunch today, he said:

"Probably some Au Bon Pain, or Cosi. If I get one more meal from Cosi I get a free one. You know I'm diggin' that!"

If we know Chris, that free meal is a shoe-in. He goes to lunch at 3:00 so check back with us this afternoon for an update. For now, here's something to tide you over. [Figuratively, not literally, of course.] Chris usually orders the Roasted Turkey & Brie sandwich at Cosi, described on the menu as "roasted turkey tenders, slices of brie and honey mustard."

UPDATE: What'd we tell you: "Picked up a Roast Turkey and Brie ... my next meal is free!" Nice work, big guy. Doin' it right.

The Best Of Reno 911!: Miami

2008-02-20T11:37:00.009-05:00

After being reminded of some of our favorite bits from "Reno 911!: Miami," CW decided to take an early lunch to regain our composure. For those of you not familiar with the show or the movie, check out these clips, sure to give you a pre-lunch chuckle.

Use your signal, fuck head! (Sorry, mom.)

CW: Celebrity Connection

2008-02-20T11:13:00.005-05:00

Here at CW, we don't have the time or wherewithal to concern ourselves with other celebrities. Chris does us just fine. So we encourage our fans to rub elbows with the beautiful people for us. Chris's friend Ric D. out in Mammoth Lakes, Calif., provides us with our first installment of "CW: Celebrity Connection." Ric, of Ric and Deanna, is our buddy from our Blacksburg days. He is an IT guy at the Mammoth Lakes ski resort, and occasionally operates the ski lift when they need help. He also is a fan of the often-hilarious, "Reno 911," and was walking the halls the other day when he happened to notice Lt. Jim Dangle (Thomas Lennon) eating lunch in the cafeteria. Looks like Lennon was happy to "get in to character" for a fan photo, though Ric notes he was not wearing hotpants.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-02-20T10:20:00.005-05:00

He likes soup!

More Birthday Extravaganza Pics

2008-02-19T18:23:00.013-05:00

CW Editor-in-Chief Kelly B. takes a break from reporting duties to enjoy a cocktail with the man of the hour. The incorrect camera setting actually helps to convey their state of mind.

Tim enjoys his mai tai. Like really enjoys it.

The Lovely Miss Amber K.

Chris confiscates Tim's blazer...

...because when Chris wants to wear your jacket, you eagerly oblige.

2008-02-19T18:06:00.007-05:00

The birthday boy himself. Sigh...

Chris is served his mojito.

BOC Brett, anxious to get the good times-a-rollin'.

Our chef, Manny, continues to serve us a bunch of sauces we don't want as a distraction for his lack of tricks. You suck, Manny!

Clearly the high point of the dinner, for us and our neighboring tables.

Luke from Vienna writes:

"Hey CW! My buddies and I tried to get in on Chris’s birthday dinner reservation at Benihana to no avail. They run a tight ship over there. While my buddy did get to see him dance with the staff during his birthday serenade, I need more details. What did he order? Where'd he go afterwards? Input, input!"

CW replies:

Stop us, Luke, if you’ve heard this one before: we apologize for the extended delay in posting. We’re finally beginning to emerge from the cozy cots down in CW Sick Bay after being out of commission with cocktail flu since Sunday morning. As is customary after a long stint of celebratory merriment (and reporting!), the staff here at Chris Weekly are recuperating peacefully in our cubicles, only this time we’re downing Goody’s headache powder, nibbling gently on ice chips and Jell-O and soothing our nauseous stomachs with ginger ale. When we took the assignment to cover Chris’s birthday weekend, we simply had no idea what we were in for. February FOC Sissy B. may not use “party” as a verb but Chris sure does.

While we abhor the use of Generation Y-isms, Chris’s 31st birthday weekend extravaganza was, in a nutshell, off the hook. The evening began with a cocktail/Wii hour at CW headquarters before heading into Georgetown to make our 9:00 reservation at Benihana Japanese steakhouse. The Team Chris roster included BOCs Brett and Andy; disqualified October FOC Lauren M.; October FOC Tim O., brother Paul O. and Paul’s girlfriend, Alexis; November FOC Tim H.; and walk-on Amber “Beef Cheeks” K. Words that come to mind: Gluttonous. Intoxicating. Exhausting. Debilitating.

Highlights from the evening include: actually making our reservation; our starter round of fruity (read: gay) drinks; Chris dancing with The Benihana Five as they serenaded him for his birthday; sake shots; November FOC Tim H. escorting us to the ridiculously hip L2 lounge after dinner; Chris and Tim H. trading jackets; and everyone making it back to CW headquarters without incident for a late-night slumber party. Lowlights included a Teppanyaki chef of Hispanic descent and with little culinary showmanship; grey filet mignon; Chris’s sweet and too-saucy ginger lo mein; and unfortunate fortune cookies.

For now, feast your eyes on the above and following series of photos while we continue to detox. And trust that the brevity of this post is merely a testament to the low energy levels presently experienced by CW staff. We hope to be back online tomorrow with our renowned zeal and zest for (Chris’s) life. As always, we appreciate your saintly patience and well wishes.

More From the D.C. Arboretum

2008-02-13T11:59:00.012-05:00

Per the USNA website:

"The columns began their life on the East Portico of the Capitol in 1828. They were quarried from sandstone near Aquia Creek in Virginia and were barged to Washington in the early days of our country, before the familiar Capitol dome was completed. Their stay at the Capitol was to be limited by an oversight. The dome of the Capitol, completed in 1864, appeared as if it was not adequately supported by the columns because the iron dome that was ultimately built was significantly larger than the dome that the designer envisioned. An addition to the east side of the Capitol was proposed to eliminate this unsettling illusion, but it was not constructed until 1958. More time would pass before the columns would come to their final resting place. It was not until the 1980s that Arboretum benefactor Ethel Garrett took up the cause of establishing a permanent home for them."

CW is proud to say we put Chris up on an ornate Corinthian pedestal. Here, Editor-in-Chief Kelly B. attempts to scale one.

Chris Weekly: Climbing our way to the top of your Chris resource list since 2007.

Letter to the Editor: BONSAAAAIIII!!! Edition

2008-02-13T11:09:00.006-05:00

That pretty one in the front has been in "training" since 1876! That means someone's been grooming it and repotting it since 1876.

Doesn't this look like a woman with bushy green hair doing yoga? Downward dog to be exact.

This was the oldest bonsai in the garden, in training since the 1600s.

Warren P. from Dale City writes:

"This stinks! This is total BS! I’ve been waiting since SATURDAY to see Chris’s bonsai pics from the Arboretum. Chris Weekly talks all this yang about a commitment to serving its readers and blah blah blah. I’ve been checking the site every few minutes here at work and now I’m getting a hard time from my supervisor, and performance reviews are coming up next week! I’m starting to regret my “I’d Rather Be Reading Chris Weekly” tattoo. CAN YOU PLEASE POST CHRIS’S BONSAI PICS ALREADY?!!! Hey, Chris! CW forever, buddy!"

Our apologies, Warren. While you were checking for bonsai pics, we were MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE VIRGINIA PRIMARIES and something had to give schedule-wise. In any event, it's Chris's birthday week so let's not argue. The pics are now posted for your viewing pleasure.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

2008-02-12T16:15:00.001-05:00

He votes!

From the Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher: Saturday @ the Arboretum

2008-02-11T13:10:00.002-05:00

BONSAAAIIII!!!
Gosh, we wish Christopher-san were more familiar with 1984’s The Karate Kid, as we could have a lot of fun with the scene where Mr. Miyagi shows Daniel-san the wisdom behind grooming or “training” bonsai, or potted trees. [While Chris claims to have viewed the film, we’re not buying it after he failed to properly demonstrate The Crane Technique.]

On Saturday, Chris rang the CW offices and invited us along to accompany him to D.C.’s National Arboretum; natural splendor nestled in the heart of the Washington ghetto. The Arboretum is presumably home to many different varieties of trees, but it being February, we were treated to many different varieties of bark. The idea behind the trip was to see the Capitol Columns, the old columns from the East side of the Capitol. They look kind of like Greek ruins. A real poor man’s trip to the Acropolis. And while the columns were very cool, Chris seemed to be really taken aback by the Bonsai garden. Which makes his refusal to embrace The Karate Kid and its subtle Bonsai wisdom all the more frustrating.

Take a moment to learn about the art of Bonsai from Chris’s favorite online resource, while we upload all his pics for the next post.

Now on to this week’s Big News:

CHRIS’S BIRTHDAY IS SATURDAY FEB. 16!!!!

It’s like Mardi Gras around here, as we commence celebration of the momentous event that was Chris’s birth, and the finale of his 31st year of life, ALL WEEK LONG. This week will be one of celebration, revelry and a general appreciation of life (with Chris in it), particularly since our CEO has temporarily lifted a ban on in-cubicle drinking. Additionally, the CW offices will be closed on Friday, Feb. 15, in honor of what certainly should at least be considered for federal holiday status; and also to give our employees time for Chris-centric reflection, or to rest up for the weekend’s festivities.

Feb. 16 is an important day for us here at Chris Weekly, and we know it’s important for you too. This publication would not exist if Chris didn’t, so in this time of recession and layoffs, the CW team essentially has Chris to thank for our jobs. We love this man. Let us eat, drink and be merry, in his honor and at his behest. Let us start a tradition -- and henceforth institute a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” office alcohol policy for the week of Feb 11-16 -- that boosts company morale, and reminds us for whom we work so hard in the first place.

One more thing: Chris is concerned that a “quad-coastal” influx of birthday cards may retard mail delivery, so he asks that we keep the “pipeline” open for those sending monetary donations. Please send all other birthday wishes via e-mail to our BigJuicyVan@Gmail account.

Maybe you’ll saddle up and ride. Maybe you’ll throw back a couple tequila shots. Maybe you’ll waste several hours surfing the Internet. Maybe you’ll try to beat Chris’s (undisclosed) top score in Wii bowling. How are you celebrating Chris’s birthday? Send us your stories and photos for our special coverage next week.

Holla Back, Girls

2008-02-08T14:43:00.000-05:00

The reaction from CW’s first female FOC has been wild! We had no idea the announcement would arouse such praise and applause from ladies across the country. A pat on our collective back is in order, for breaking down yet another wall in the fight for the progress of women. [Well, it's really the first wall for us, but whatever.]

Suzy J. from Bismarck, North Dakota, writes: “This seems long overdue!”

Ella P. from The Bronx writes: “Where my ladies at?!! G-g-g-give it all you got, Mer!”

And Ricky Tinkle’s sis Julie provides us with the requisite: “You go, girl!”

We’re feeling here in the CW offices the sort of pride and satisfaction that great feminists of the past must have felt. Mary Wollstonecraft. Susan B. Anthony. Betty Friedan. Gloria Steinem. Chris Weekly.

Unfortunately, Mer was busy booking Virginia Beach street trash yesterday when we posted the announcement that she had been named February’s Friend of Chris, and didn’t learn of the news until this morning. She contacted us this afternoon to convey her joy, gratitude and general feelings of satisfaction and fulfillment:

"Wow. I am just speechless. It is a true honor to share so many similarities with the big guy. I am constantly searching for new ones. Anytime I discover something new, my first thought is to share it with Chris with the hopes that he likes it, too. The similarities are uncanny, really. First there's food. Pasta, mashed potatoes, and especially bread, to name a few. Bread is an important one. Soft on the inside, crunchy on the outside. We should really write a book together: 'Breads Have I Loved.' Sure to be a bestseller!"

Just let us know the release date, Mer. You can count on the CW readership to take that one right to the top. Where it deserves to be. For now, relax, go grab a baguette from Farm Fresh and think of Chris while you enjoy its chewy goodness.

Chris Weekly: A true paladin of women’s progress.

Chris Takes a Bite

2008-02-08T12:28:00.000-05:00

Now one of our favorite segments, this edition of “Chris Takes a Bite” was captured by February FOC suitor and FOC hopeful Chris M. during a recent outing to Michel Richard’s Central (pronounced Cen-Traahl) in Washington. [Chris M. and Mer came up to visit this past weekend.] Always one to eschew health and diet guidelines, Chris is seen chomping down on a MEDIUM RARE hamburger, one of Central’s specialties, according to our waitress. Mmm mmm good. And the burger looks yummy too.

What's Chris Thinking About Right This Second?

2008-02-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

"Bad news. I talked to Ted. He said he quit Eamonn’s. He said he needed to take some time off and they wouldn’t give it to him so they got into it." [collective gasp from CW management]

2/8/2008 11:55 AM

This is tough news for Chris, guys. It puts a SERIOUS damper on the aforementioned Friday Trifecta on which Chris has come to rely after a hard week's work ["Kickin' It @ Eamonn's, Feb. 6]. Yes, there was Eamonn's before Ted, but he definitely made it more fun. Thanks be to you, in addition to the cod and grouper, Ted. We hope our paths cross again soon. [weeping, followed by sniffles and gentle sobbing]

Sissy Named February FOC

2008-02-07T16:42:00.000-05:00

CW is proud as a peacock to announce its first female Friend of Chris…

Mer B.! [aka Sissy, aka Madge, aka Cal]

No, she’s not one of the Spice Girls. You may remember Mer B. from our wedding, where she served as maid of honor (shown above with BOC and presiding officiant Andy T.), or past posts ["Chris's Sister-in-Law: She's Just Like Chris," Nov. 22; (Recorded) LIVE: Thanksgiving 2007 As It Happens," Nov. 22; "(Recorded) LIVE: CHRIStmas Pics 2007, Dec. 30]. Virginia Beach native Mer B. is Chris’s adoring sister-in-law, and a 28-year-old magistrate for her hometown. Don't let that photo fool you. She’s a tough ol’ gal; a no-nonsense broad. Should you find yourself brought before her after a particularly raucous Friday night in VB, just remember — she doesn’t like a lot of sass. [Or bad grammar.]

A lady of versatile interests, Madge appreciates interviewing the recently arrested and setting bail just as much as she does a midnight pound of hot, buttered, salted, al dente pasta accompanied by an episode of The Golden Girls. (Or perhaps these days, Flight of the Conchords)

Other likes include soft, chewy, doughy bread (just like Chris); reiterating safety statistics and recommendations; BQ chips; Us Weekly; more importantly, Chris Weekly; french fries and chicken tenders; cops; correctional humor; cats; sunbathing; Matt Nathanson and several other handsome, obscure singer-songwriters; karaoke; apple pie and ice cream a la mode (also just like Chris); assigning diet points, unnecessarily, to food and drink; Coach [bags, not flight class]; Rent, both the Broadway production and film; true crime novels; and fictional crime novels.

Mer’s dislikes include convertibles with the top down, windows up; reheated fried food; danger; college episodes of 90210; and GIRL SINGERS. [Except Julie Andrews and Amy Winehouse]

Upon learning of this most prestigious award, Mer exulted in a high-pitch squeal, “Eeeeeeee! Thank you, CW. Let’s party! Actually, ‘party’ should not technically be used as a verb. So, instead, let’s celebrate with abundant libations! As you know, alcohol is the number one cause of a good time. Free Bacardi O and Sprites for everyone at Fire and Vine at Hiltop! There’s only two points in a 5 oz cocktail!”

Congratulations, Mer B.! We’ve got a bag of BQ Kettle brand chips with your name on it. [Well, currently it says “STAFF” but we can change that.]

Kickin' It @ Eamonn's

2008-02-06T17:44:00.000-05:00

After his Costco scare, Chris just wanted to chill out, lay low, and any other cliched phrases that convey the desire for a relaxing, low-stress evening. After a little beer and Wii bowling back at the house with November FOC Tim H., he headed into Old Town for his now-requisite Friday night trip to Eamonn's, where cameras are not only allowed, they're encouraged. And since we already had a reporter on the scene, CW Editor-in-Chief Kelly B., we tagged along so's we didn't miss anything. (Also Chris said he'd buy us a beer.)

Accompanied by (ungrateful) October FOC Tim O., not only did Chris get to relax and enjoy his Friday Trifecta of fried grouper, Guinness and chips, he got to hang with good ol' Ted and also logged some quality conversation with his very cool girlfriend, Rachel, with whom you see him chatting above. Once Eamonn's closed down, Chris continued to hang out and chat with Ted and Rachel for a bit before accompanying them to their place in Del Ray. But unfortunately their camera policy was similar to Costco's.

Say Cheese

2008-02-06T15:25:00.000-05:00

Hello readers,

You’re probably expecting some sham excuse as to why Chris Weekly has not posted in several days or with its usual consistency as of late, and ordinarily that’s indeed what you would receive. However, this time our absence was both forgivable and necessary.

Things got too hot for us after a recent incident at Costco; we’ve been at the CW safehouse — unfortunately without Internet access — ever since cops began circling our new headquarters, and one of our reporters was accosted on the way to her car by someone who “just wanted the memory stick.” The following photos and accompanying text serve as a testament to the lengths CW will go to provide our loyal readers with the premier Chris coverage for which it is known.

WARNING: THESE IMAGES ARE ILLEGAL. Costco does not allow cameras in its stores. Yes, you read that correctly. The only cameras they want to see are wrapped in cellophane with a price tag and rolling on a conveyor belt toward a disgruntled checkout gal. Here’s how it all went down.

Chris decided to make a baked mac and cheese for an impromptu Super Bowl gathering at Chez T. in Alexandria with BOCs Andy and Brett, and MOC Kathy. The problem with prior mac and cheese attempts was that the end result was very sticky. Chris prefers a rich, creamy blend. So, he found a recipe from Emeril's that employed four—count ‘em—four cheeses: gruyere, fontina, cheddar and pecorino romano. We figured Costco would be the best place to go for the cheese, as Chris had noted in the past that they have a bountiful selection of fromage. Naturally, CW was notified of the outing and planted a reporter in the dairy section of the Pentagon City Costco for exclusive coverage.

Chris came in around 8 on Friday night. When our reporter ran up to meet him at the door for a shot of him coming on to the scene, she was stopped by the Costco greeter lady who checks your card. She said that cameras were NOT allowed in the store. When CW asked why, the lady said she didn’t know and sort of chuckled as if to say, “No worries here. Your camera will be confiscated shortly.” Our reporter politely thanked the greeter lady for this information and proceeded to follow Chris through the store back to dairy.

Costco had one cheese out of the four needed for Emeril’s mac: fontina. So not only was Chris displeased with the variety of available cheeses, we RISKED OUR FREEDOM in trying to obtain them. But that’s how we roll at CW. We’re not afraid to take those kinds of risks. We eagerly put our asses on the line everyday to get the scoop. Well, most days. Though Chris was irritated by our insistence upon filming even after being admonished by personnel, he reluctantly allowed us to score a couple pics for you, his fans. Enjoy, but please note: CW management bears no responsibility should your children be exposed to these illegal images.

Chris Weekly: Underground. Clandestine. Real. Journalism.

CW Exclusive: Chris Recounts His Brush With the Fuzz

2008-01-30T18:40:00.000-05:00

Chris Weekly: Reports are that you were stopped by John Q. Law on 64 E en route to Virginia Beach last weekend. Can you give your fans an account of what went down?

Chris: There’s nothing I’d rather do.

So, we’re on I-64 heading east just outside Richmond, and I’m in the right lane with the cruise control set at 70 MPH. We pass a speed trap and just as we do, I hit the accelerate button on the wheel to bump it up to 71-72ish, just as a red Lexus passes us in the left lane. We pass the cop, and I’m thinking no problem, just over 70 should be okay.

As we continue on down the highway, an older model Japanese car with a missing headlight blows by us doing 80+ and changing lanes like crazy. We figure that the cop will be along to pull this guy over because we had just passed the trap. So the cop does come along but gets behind me and pulls us over! We never even got out of the left lane and you can be sure I dropped my speed back to 70 after passing him.

He gets out almost immediately and I have my window open ready to give him my license. First he asks if I know why he pulled me over. I’m like, “Because I was going 70 or just a mile or two over?” And he says, I clocked you at 83. We’re both like, “WHAT?!?! We just got this car and this is the first time I’ve used the cruise control, but I can assure you we were in the right lane and nowhere close to 75 much less 83.” He then walks to the front of the car and looks at the front plate but more importantly, the lights. He asks if I have my high beams on. I say no.

At that point he must have realized his mistake because we also mentioned how an older model silver car with one headlight passed us like a madman and he was really cool from that point. Just said that he had to run my license and if nothing came up we’d be on our way. He goes back to the car and a minute later comes back and says we’re good to go and be careful pulling out. I was calm but deep down sweating it bad. Makes you think; you can be adhering to the law and still get pulled! Needless to say I pulled out “safely.”

CW: Anything good come out of it?

Chris: Yeah, at least I got to use the turbo and accelerate like hell out of there. Safely.

Vox Populi

2008-01-30T18:04:00.000-05:00

Get the CW flogging stick back from production! The readers have spoken about CW's sporadic posting as of late. Anonymous writes:

"Me and my friends have been clamoring for a new post! Don't ever make us wait like that again."1/30/2008 6:00 PM

Again, we apologize, Anonymous, and to all of our readers. Trust us, these hiatuses are harder on us than they are on you.

Chris Does Lunch

2008-01-30T15:33:00.001-05:00

Blimey! Chris left for lunch while our correspondent was stuck at the MacPherson Square metro. But thanks to our sources, readers like you, we can report that Chris is headed to Potbelly, presumably the one on New York Ave but standby for a confirmation.

UPDATE: Chris happily reports to CW that he had the loaded baked potato soup from Potbelly [on New York and 14th], the soup du jour on Wednesday and Thursday. Thankfully our lunchtime correspondent was able to catch up with him at the fixins bar. "I had a manager scoop the soup so I got a hearty portion," he said. "It can be a crap shoot with Potbelly soup and chili because you don't scoop it yourself like at Au Bon Pain. Some low-level employees don't know how to dig deep for the good stuff."

Chris Weekly: Digging deep for the good stuff since 2007.

From the Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher

2008-01-30T14:59:00.000-05:00

Hello readers,

I extend my greetings and salutations wholeheartedly, though I understand if you choose not to accept them. It’s been eight long days since our last post, which was admittedly weak at best to begin with [“Chris Saves Face,” Jan. 22]. In short, our office has moved from an undisclosed location to another undisclosed location, and in a nutshell, it’s been a real sounds-like-witch.

We at Chris Weekly are undergoing a corporate restructuring the likes of which most upstart blogs have never seen. We're completely revamping our facility, for starters, so everything's packed up in these orange crates, which makes accessing any reports or files on Chris difficult. While you’ve been clamoring for live coverage and photos, and wondering what Chris has been eating for lunch or what he did over the weekend, the staff here at CW has been packing and unpacking these crates, and familiarizing itself with new computer servers and equipment -- and worst of all, new personnel. Okay, that sounded a bit misanthropic. Worst of all, inexperienced personnel.

The powers that be did some hiring that’s sure to facilitate our burgeoning operations, such as the new titles of Production Editor and Vice President of Minutiae, but with that came some firing. There was some “pain,” as they say in the corporate trenches. Benny, our dedicated janitorial engineer and attentive mailroom/bathroom attendant was let go [on a Friday, of course, as studies have shown there’s less chance of an incident that way], as was our longtime receptionist and security chief Big Walt. True, these two were behind the scenes; but an understated position in no way diminishes the importance of valued staff.

Having said that, we’ve got at least a little bit of news for you today as we work toward working again at full capacity. Chris left for lunch recently and we’ve got a correspondent trailing him in the city now to find out where he’s headed. Also, Chris sat down with me for an exclusive interview about his recent brush with the fuzz en route to Virginia Beach! We hope to have that for you by COB today. [That’s corpspeak for “close of business” for you civilians.] As always, CW appreciates your saint-like patience.

Chris Saves Face

2008-01-22T11:40:00.000-05:00

It has been Bittah! cold in the DC metro area for the last several days. Temperatures have been below freezing or barely above freezing, and it's windy too. But that hasn't stopped Chris from parking the ol' caboose ... on the steel horse he riiiiiiiides, and biking in to work. As this morning was particularly chilly, CW was happy to get a few words from the big guy. Once he thawed out.

CW: How was that ride in this morning? Must have been miserable.

Chris: Yeah, it was pretty cold. It felt like my face was going to fall of at the beginning. Once I got going it was okay.

CW: Face still on then?

Chris: Yup. Still workin the face.

Chris's Pics From Lake Las Vegas

2008-01-22T11:16:00.000-05:00

(Two sinks. That must have been nice.)

A marvel of modern engineering. (Chris, not the Hoover Dam.)

Good morning, all,

Many of you out there had never even heard of Lake Las Vegas ("Puttin' on the Ritz," Jan. 20). In fact, Denny from Loudoun County wrote to us over the weekend:

"I've never even heard of Lake Las Vegas. Chris, be sure to take some pictures, buddy!"

Rest assured, Denny. Chris, ever the photo-journalist, was happy as hell to take photos from his trip, and downright giddy about providing them to CW for its usual--and renowned--exclusive coverage of all things Chris. Sit back, take an early lunch and enjoy.

Write to us with questions, comments or Chrisspottings at bigjuicyvan[at]gmail[dot]com.

If it's happening in Chris's world, it's happening on Chris Weekly.

Get Down, Get Down

2008-01-21T22:33:00.000-05:00

Chris FINALLY used his REI Christmas gift card from BOCs Andy and Brett T. to purchase the 700-fill down North Face Nuptse. Size: Large. Color: Olive Green. Enjoy, readers. Sigh ... What a lucky coat. CW was able to catch up with Chris upon checkout, where he had this to say about his purchase: "As an ecological enthusiast, when it comes to bodily warmth, it's nice to have the support of so many a goose. Involuntary, perhaps, but support nonetheless. I thank them for their selfless contribution to the elevation and maintenance of my bodily temperature."

Chris Weekly thanks you too, geese. Big ups to our feathered friends. We at CW couldn't further handle to see Chris shivering in the cold on sub-freezing days, and clearly they couldn't either. It's been roughly 15 degrees around here for the last two days, and Chris has since reiterated to CW several times that he's much appreciative of the warmth henceforth provided by his new goose-down parka. And on a personal note, the staff speaks for the readership when it confirms that those warm feelings have most certainly reverberated throughout editorial.

Puttin' on the Ritz

2008-01-20T11:42:00.001-05:00

Good morning, all,

The sun is shining, we have off tomorrow for MLK Day (represent) and it's 12 hours, 43 minutes and counting until Chris comes back to us. He's been in Lake Las Vegas since Thursday for work. [Editor's Note: Please cease with the calls and letters, guys. I don't know what Chris does.] He sent us this exclusive pic from his hotel room at the Ritz last night. Just when we thought we couldn't go on, our Gmail Inbox gives us strength.