"Hey CW! I was at the Bradlee Safeway the other night spending half my paycheck on groceries and toiletries when I heard this discussion over in the baking aisle. I knew I'd know that voice when I heard it. I peeked over and sure enough, it was the big guy trying to decide between chocolate or vanilla Duncan Hines cupcakes! I've been there, and that's a tough call. Thank goodness I had my trusty Le Clic and was able to snap these great pics. I was so stunned I dropped my hot rotisserie chicken and made a huge mess. Cleanup in Aisle 5, right, buddy?? CW forever!"
Probably the handsomest bunch of groomsmen a girl could ask for: (L-R) Officiant and BOC Andy T., a downright giddy Chris, Best Man Ryan G., BOC Brett T., and the one, the only, Brian "Candles" Candler.
Chris has a moment with bridesmaid Miss M.
Bottom row: (L-R) Bridesmaids Lauren M., Mel. C., CW Editor in Chief Kelly B., flower fairy Camilla Day Harris and Maid of Honor Sissy. (Not pictured: Marley)
It may not be a national holiday but it’s certainly cause for celebration here at CW. On this day back in 2005 Chris nabbed himself a good-hearted woman, and made yours truly legitimate after several years of, how do you say, shacking up. And were it not for the influx of material with which the daily minutiae of life with Chris has provided me, Chris Weekly may never have been conceived.
Everyone here at CW — corporate, editorial, production, even the janitorial and maintenance crews — would like to take a moment to thank the big guy for his contributions to this publication. His idiosyncrasies, and the coping mechanisms on the part of the CW team, are the foundation on which this blog was built. If he's having trouble getting up in the morning, we're having trouble. If he has to saddle up and ride in 90-degree weather, we feel the heat. What he’s having for lunch, we digest. His first sip of a robust red gives us a buzz. His recommendations, be they food or music, become our recommendations to others. He’s a silent partner who speaks volumes, and we couldn’t be more pleased to continue working with him.
Join us as we join the Little River Band in sending warm [third!] anniversary wishes to Chris, and first anniversary wishes to us, as Chris Weekly made its first post around this time last summer. Happy anniversary, baaay-bay!
Chris loves Wilco, therefore CW loves Wilco. We hope you do too. Click here for a great lineup of covers courtesy of the I am Fuel, You are Friends blog. Yeah, we don't understand the name either but she's got good taste in music. Enjoy!
Looks like CW can stick with the fancypants MiniBar for its corporate events. The big guy contacted our offices today with breaking news of a 10 percent raise! He explains:
“I got this letter. [My company] has been doing this job/compensation study, and brought in consultants Bob and Bob to make sure they were paying fair market rate for its positions. They said no current employee’s salary would go down as a result, but some would go up. According to this letter mine went up more than 10 percent.”
Congratulations, Chris! We can’t help but think of this classic scene from Office Space. Enjoy.
CW: We deal with the goddamn readers so Chris doesn't have to!
Brett in Fairfax, formerly Brett in Alexandria, writes:
"I've been on the breakfast bandwagon for about two years now ("Chris Rethinks Skipping Breakfast," July 16)! I thank [BOC] Andy T. for turning me on to the oft-neglected meal. I eat two eggs with wheat toast EVERY day. A two-part question for CW: Who or what influenced Chris to eat breakfast? And what does he eat? Wait til he learns about coffee. The world may not be ready for his production!"
Chris replies:
"Thanks for writing, Brett. I'd have to credit the delicious combination of a crumbled Nature Valley granola bar mixed into a vanilla yogurt from Safeway with convincing me that a solid breakfast yields solid output. Literally. And it must be Safeway brand yogurt. I got Dannon once in a pinch and it was not nearly sweet enough. Also a lot of times I grab a bagel or similar pastry-type product from a nearby shop. However, I'm sure you'd be the first to point out that those options don't provide the energy boost of the yogurt/granola combo, and you'd be right. I'd have Eggs Benny every morning if I could but the CW kitchen staff has yet to master the complexities of the dish."
Keep those letters coming!
Chris Weekly: Yielding solid output even without the solid breakfast.
Maybe all those Special K commercials have finally started to sink in. Chris contacted CW [exclusively] this morning with the news that he's going to start each morning with a solid breakfast:
"I tend to [work] better after lunch; kind of a 'home stretch' mentality," he said. "I'm beginning to think it has to do with hunger. Mornings where I don't eat I'm worthless until lunch. Today I had a yogurt [with a crumbled] granola bar and I'm working away. I'm starting to rethink not eating in the morning. And if I don't [eat in the morning], I'm gonna go to lunch earlier."
Chris Weekly: You may hear it elsewhere but you heard it here first.
Get thee to Best Buy for your copy of one of the best CDs of the year, The Hold Steady's "Stay Positive," which drops today. A jubilant and exuberant Chris confirms:
“For my money, no band is more in tune with the lives of the youth of today and what becomes of said ‘youth’ once adulthood comes calling. While some in this country would have you believe that growing up in the suburbs is a sheltered, sterile environment, The Hold Steady songs are a sort of rock drama about what really goes on when school’s out and the kids go to shows, camp, the beach or wherever. They also remind us that a band can sing about being down, out and wasted, and still come away with a positive outlook about life.”
If you need more credible reviews, will these work for you?
From Entertainment Weekly:
“While some of [lead singer Craig] Finn’s characters come to dead ends, the music stays in a state of arrested exhilaration. The single ‘Sequestered in Memphis,’ with its piano arpeggios, sax honking and sing-along chorus, swings like early E Street Band; never mind that the narrator is coughing up details about a one-night stand as part of a murder investigation. What keeps it all from being a classic-rock pastiche is Finn’s drolly rendered vocals and weird storytelling, which make the Hold Steady something you’re certain you’ve never heard before.”
"Craig Finn just might be the most self-aware frontman in rock ’n’ roll. 'Our songs are sing-along songs,' he declares on Stay Positive’s opener 'Constructive Summer,' and a couple verses later he shows instead of tells. 'Me and my friends are like,' begins the line, before Finn is joined by backing vocals for 'double whiskey, coke, no ice.' It’s a moment that begs for a full room’s worth of shouting as uniting as “LEONARD BERNSTEIN!” during that R.E.M. song about the end of the world. Finn intuitively knows this, tossing off lines just like it throughout Stay Positive—it’s yet another reason The Hold Steady is one of the best bands in America."
"While its title and lyrics often make Stay Positive sound like a darkest-before-the-dawn kind of record, the themes Finn keeps returning to — skipping town, starting over clean, resurrection — all speak to the redemptive power of second chances. When The Hold Steady plead with you to 'stay positive,' and you consider their unlikely and continued ascendancy, you could do worse than take them at their word."
Counters CW’s Music Director, the positively radiant Tim H:
"Um, this band is kinda wack. The subject matter and imagery are a bit intense for me, and the lead singer’s voice makes me uncomfortable. See, I’m into more of a new wave-club tempo sound with a good beat and fun lyrics. Borderline Eurotrash stuff. But alas, this is Chris’s favorite band at the moment, and with this recession looming I’d like to secure my role here at CW. I’m a team player, and I do stay positive. Always have, always will. Time to slap on a wife-beater, throw back a double whiskey/Coke/no ice and give it a second listen. Anything for you, buddy!”
The first 50,000 copies include three bonus tracks so don't haste. Write to CW with your reviews of Stay Positive at bigjuicyvanATgmailDOTcom.
Chris Weekly: We’re gonna build somethin’ this summer!
His recent visit to Washington wasn't just a chance for Peter B. to get up close and personal with the big guy (though the pix don't reflect as much cuz Chris was always behind the lens). It also was a chance for him to explore our nation's capital. And no one, and we mean no one, enjoys playing tour guide more than this publication's namesake. Staff found it difficult to document the weekend in the traditional blog format, as some parts are a bit blurry. Instead we took to a sort of brainstorming free-association thing. When we think of Peter's visit, we think of (in no particular order):
Vampire Weekend Fireworks Five Guys Cheez-Its Manhattans Elderberry martinis Old Town Georgetown C&O Canal Kafe Leopold's Cold corn and cashew soup
(Ed. Note: It breaks the collective heart of our staff to tell you, Tim H., but Peter did NOT like that soup. Don't tell Joel!)
Wii Fried chickens Wimbledon Chadwick's Puppies GW Parkway "Boogie Nights" Old Town "GoodFellas" Marvin Steak Frites Chicken and Waffles Seinfeld Last Call Top that! Tequila Grouper and Guinness at Eamonn's Strip Club National Portrait Gallery Gazuza houka bar FLAVOR-ICE
Yes, we know it looks glamorous (and gluttonous) but it's business as usual here at Chris Weekly. Just doing our part to give back to those who've given so much to those who can't give back. Or something like that. Said Peter of the first installment of the CW Make It Happen Foundation's guest weekend with Chris:
"Chicken and waffles, a houka bar and last call at a strip club? Forget Disney World and Hannah Montana. These are the sort of dreams that charitable organizations should be fulfilling for our youth. Top that, Make a Wish!"
Many of you have been asking about our inaugural Make It Happen weekend, whereby inaugural FOC Peter B. was selected to spend a weekend with Chris in his home:
Joe W. in Waldorf, Md., writes: "So how was the big weekend with Peter? He is one lucky bra.
Louis P. in Roslyn writes: "'Make It Happen'? Make what happen? A timely post? Right. So, how'd it go???"
Johnny #5 writes: "Input, input!"
CW replies: We apologize for the delay, as covering this weekend was in fact such an exhausting assignment that key members of our editorial and production staff have just now emerged from CW Sick Bay to work on layout. Please check back with us shortly.
Many visitors to the Chris Weekly corporate offices have noted that our front door lacks the professional appearance an e-rag of CW’s caliber should present. We’re pleased to report that after nearly a year of dodging the questions and comments out of shame and embarrassment over our company’s poor work ethic, we can now provide an explanation, as corporate lifted the staff gag order on the project and finally approved funds to resume renovation of our main entrance. [sound the trumpets] Even better, Chris talked to CW exclusively about his renewed enthusiasm for the project, his concerns and trepidations about “the next step” and just how the hell it ended up like that in the first place.
CW: So how long has the front door been “under construction”?
Chris: It all started with the lock. We began having trouble with our lock, the bottom part that you turn, and decided to get a new one. A shiny new Schlage. Installation seemed like it would be a breeze. And it would have been if the door were a standard size. The CW door is a big, heavy, solid, Baby Boom-era SOB. The hinges alone look like small oxygen canisters. They literally don’t make 'em like that anymore. So the lock ended up being half-installed. The top deadbolt works but the bottom lock still does not. It is permanently in lock mode and must be stuffed with something to keep the lock from engaging.
CW: Stuffed with something?
Chris: Yes, stuffed. For some time we used a fun-size Three Musketeers, which though not a permanent solution, sure seemed to do the trick for nearly a year. When the Three Musketeers began to under-perform, and by under-perform I mean shrivel up and harden, editorial just stuffed it with some tape or something, as the staff candy supply had long been depleted. And that’s how it stands today.
CW: And then…
Chris: And then I began to fixate on the door itself, or I should say, the inside part of the door. The part of the door that you actually notice.
CW: Tell us about how it looked prior to your intervention.
Chris: It was just a regular, heavy-ass door, with several coats of probably lead paint. Kind of a semi-gloss neutral beige color. At one point I noticed a tear in the paint, and it called to me to come peel it. Like when you peel someone’s sunburn. You can’t stop really until the whole layer is off or it looks uneven. You want to get down to the smooth new skin. So, in the face of much resistance from staff, both editorial and production, I kept peeling.
CW: Describe for readers the lowest point of the project.
Chris: At the lowest point, CW’s main lobby was covered in dust and likely toxic paint chips. It smelled of ammonia. It was not pleasant. [CW mascot] Marley had to be removed from the building, and staff was sent home for the day.
CW: And then…
Chris: And then the project stalled for a bit. Reasons for this include lack of funds, lack of time and lack of motivation or drive. CW staff adjusted to the “new look” of the door and, with the recession seemingly imminent, completing the renovation kept getting bumped lower and lower on corporate’s to-do list.
CW: Fast-forward to July 2008…
Chris: One morning staff became suddenly and irrationally irritated at the status of the project, and my “unwillingness” to field employee suggestions about “the next step.” To be honest, I was a bit nervous about making another move with the door, as replacing that sucker would likely be expensive and difficult. Thankfully I was able to sit down with the entire staff and hash out a plan. I was able to show them that, while I had chipped away many layers of the door, there remained a couple more to go, and that underneath that last layer was a smooth wooden surface that would probably only require a little sanding, some primer and several coats of paint. I reached that smooth layer the other day, as you see above.
CW: So what's keeping you motivated to finish?
Chris: It became clear to me after that last piece of warped white wood was pulled off that this project is now finite. The work load appears to be less than I thought, and with the committed assistance and support of the good people here at CW, there's no need to put it off any longer. I look forward to providing CW with pics upon completion.
CW: And we look forward to posting them. Thanks in advance for your hard work, big guy.
Chris Weekly: Let the newly renovated door hit you in the ass on the way out.
CW Music Director and November FOC Tim H. turned Chris and the entire CW staff onto the best CD we've heard in a long time. Please do yourself a favor and check it out. And watch for those Oxford commas.
Inaugural FOC Peter B. provides us with our latest installment of CW: Celebrity Connection. Here, he's shown with "Friend"-ly couple Courtney Cox and David Arquette at a screening of David's short film, "The Butler's in Love."
Thanks, P!
Many of you have been asking for details from Peter's "Make It Happen" weekend. Please be patient, as the staff is still recovering from Peter's "Make It Happen" weekend. We appreciate your understanding.
"Hey, CW! I was in Alexandria this weekend trying to squeeze my fat ass into one of those new SmartCars when I noticed Chris saunter into the lot after having stopped in at the neighborhood bakery. He let me snap this pic after he 'CHRIStened' my new ride. I just had to share it with your readers. Enjoy!"
For many of our readers, there’s only one Chris Weekly: this, the publication you turn to when you need Chris news and want it now. But some readers have found through bad information or clumsy typing that there is indeed another Chris Weekly out there in cyberspace: http://chris.weekly.org. It’s a rivalry of which we’ve been aware for some time here at CW but the e-rag business can be cutthroat so we kept quiet about it due to seemingly competitive formats. Turns out Mr. Weekly comes in peace, and is not a threat to our mission in any way.
Upon closer inspection, chris.weekly.org is a personal MySpace-style page maintained by a guy named Chris Weekly. And he made contact with us today:
“I found this email address via http://chrisweekly.blogspot.com. Chris didn't have an obvious contact e-mail, but "Ruby Vino" did so I thought I’d say hi. My (real) name is Chris Weekly, http://chris.weekly.org is my site. I don't have an agenda, but I never met anyone w/ my name before so I thought I'd reach out.”
And we're glad you did, Chris. Allow us to consider you a "silent partner" of sorts. CW's chief financial officer, Max "Maximillion" Goldfarb, explains:
“With this recession looming, we were unsure how to commit to our usual advertising package without having to cut out staff bonuses or downsize holiday events. Just before I was about to move the CHRIStmas party to the Route 1 Famous Dave’s, I get a call from editorial about this Chris Weekly character. Now, I can completely eradicate our ad budget! Mr. Weekly’s existence alone is saving us thousands in marketing. Every time he signs his name we can throw a few bucks back into the annual bonus fund. The CHRIStmas party's back on at MiniBar! Thanks, Chris Weekly."
