We Likes 'Em "CHRISpy"

We felt this one deserved its own post. Chris agreed.

(Recorded) LIVE: T/W/K Family Cookout '08, Y'all!

Uncle Paul and Aunt Adele W. enjoy Chris-cooked pork tenderloin and salad.

The Sisters W. (Abby and Audrey) enjoy... we're not sure what they're eating.

Cousins Adam and Jeremy think Marley is enjoying some quality time with them but no, she's fine-tuning her imminent plan to snatch Adam's hot dog.

Aunt Lou and Uncle Tim K. take a breather after a weekend of non-stop partying.

Nesta warms up to the W. clan's new pup, Riley. Nesta, who had been advertised as "loves all dogs" growled and snarled like a wolverine upon their first encounter.



Ken in Lorton writes:

"Hey, CW. I canceled my dentist appt. the other day cuz you said you were going to post Chris's mom's pics from the cookout!! What the F?? Now I wasted a personal day, have to reschedule with Dr. Kan and I still haven't seen Chris's extended family! Thanks for nothin'... Tell Chris I said wussup!"

CW replies: Thanks for writing, Ken. MOC Kathy T. is learning what every freelancer finds out the hard way: Editors never publish your stuff when they say they will ["Chrisspotting," April 23]. That’s the biz, that’s the way it is. And CW, which despite recent productivity levels continues to hold itself to the highest journalistic standards, is no different. In fact, oversetting already late content is one area in which we excel. And so, without further ado, we give you (recorded) live coverage of the T/W/K cookout.

Chrisspotting

Chris mulls beer options at Safeway for a family cookout on Saturday.

[Ed. Note: Chris asked us to let readers know that while he was happy to pose for Ray from Alexandria, he was merely buying Miller Lite as a cost-effective group purchase for the cookout. When asked to clarify, he said emphatically, 'I don't drink that s%$#.']




Danny from Dale City writes:

"We, your beloved and faithful readers, understand that oftentimes pressures of this 'real world” establishment you speak of outweigh those of CW. But that’s when you must ask yourself, where does my passion lie? Does not your passion lie with CW? No apologies necessary, no hard feelings. Just get back to work. One more thing: Was that Chris I saw at the new Route 1 Safeway? He was loading groceries into his car! Doesn’t he have people to do that??"

Ray from Alexandria writes:

"Hey, CW! Just when I thought my weekend was gonna blow, I saw Chris unloading his groceries into the car. But I knew no one would believe me. Thankfully for you I had my trusty Nikon D40 with me. I also encountered him in the beer aisle, and was lucky enough to park right next to him out in the lot! I snapped him weighing beer options (he kept mumbling something about ‘unit per ounce’?) and also a three-frame expose of him out in the lot. He really is just like us! I love the Utz plain rippled Big Bag too, buddy! Talk about being at the right place at the right time. I was so excited to follow him out of the lot I went off and left the wife. I paid for it later at TJ Maxx. CW rules!"

CW replies:
Danny, Ray, thanks for writing and for still being there. Yes, if you were buying groceries this weekend at the new Safeway on Route 1 across from the Subaru dealership, you likely saw the big guy stocking up on goodies for a cookout with the T. family that included aunts, uncles and cousins from the W. and K. clans of New York and Buffalo, respectively. [And no, while he’s certainly considered it, he has yet to hire domestic help for such errands.] CW was tipped off about the grocery store trip, and ensuing cookout, on Friday so we had time to dispatch our best reporter to the scene to cover the spread: pork tenderloin and hot dogs on the grill, mac and cheese, salad and the requisite chips and assorted dips. We’ve got pics coming for you but our production team is “in the weeds.” We hope to have those posted for you by tonight.

Speaking of photos, they will be courtesy of guest photo editor MOC Kathy T. The cookout allowed CW to give THE WORLD’S GREATEST ADMIN PROFESSIONAL her first freelance assignment for this blog. After repeatedly contacting our offices looking for a gig, corporate gave us the okay to give her the okay to shoot the cookout. When you’re trying to make a name for yourself on an international publication like CW, it helps to know someone in editorial. Congratulations, Kathy, and nice work.

Sheri, Barb, You Might Want to Watch Your Back

Many readers have asked about Chris’s photo of the Hancock Building and whether McGraw-Hill ever made him an offer ["Late Breaking News: Bigtime Publisher to Buy Chris's Hancock Photo for Use in Textbook," April 3]. Unfortunately those bastards decided to go with another artist but said they would consider Chris's photos for future projects. So they're not complete morons. Chris, though disappointed, took the news well. Ricky Tinkle, Chris's #1 Fan, evidently has a tougher time dealing with rejection (of Chris's photographs). We found this in the CW e-Mailbag after lunch:

Death to McGraw-Hill
You turned away from genius
And you’ll be sorry.

What more could you want?
I have it framed on my wall.
You just don’t know art.

And now you must pay.
My promise lies in your name:
“Will harm.” It’s a date.

Letters to the Editor

When you leave people hanging for almost a month, they’re gonna have a bunch of questions. Join us as we rifle through CW’s e-Mailbag!

Gene H. in Dulles writes:

“How do these companies find Chris’s photographs?”

CW replies: That’s a good question, Gene. We forwarded your query to the big guy himself, who provided a personalized reply, you lucky dog: “Hey Gene, thanks for writing. I suppose they search Flickr for the subject they’re looking for, in this case the John Hancock building.”

February FOC Sissy in Virginia Beach writes:

“What’s he asking for [price-wise for the Hancock photo]? Will it be a flat rate or one where he gets paid every time someone buys the book? Also, where’s your old TV? Does your new one hang on the wall?

CW replies: Good questions, all, Sis. Our old TV, pictured above, went to two Hokies, Todd and Terry, or some similar-sounding couple who answered Chris's ad on Craigslist. Though we’re baffled as to why anyone would plunk down $100 for an analog-only CRT television set, we happily pocketed the cash and put it toward desperately needed CW supplies like Lip Smacker, Red Bull, PepsiMAX, green tea and edamame — the recipe for success.

No, the new TV, Philip(s), has not yet been affixed to the wall, but that’s not for lack of wanting it there. Chris’s Madrid trip intercepted installation plans. Also, BOC Andy T. and November FOC and two-time FOC runner-up Tim H. recently purchased an HDTV and would like to hang it on the wall, so we imagine sort of a joint project kind of thing. Readers can expect full coverage of the installation, as it’s sure to try the patience and relationships of all parties involved.

Julio F. in Arlington writes:

"Can we remove the picture of [Alex] Ovechkin ["Breaking News: Chris Pic Named DCist Photo of the Day," March 13]? I’ve seen it 500 times."

CW replies: Thanks for writing, Jules. We forwarded your query to our new webmaster, Gary, who had this to say:

“Why not remove the faces off Mount Rushmore since we’ve seen them 500 times already? What about the Statue of Liberty? I’m pretty familiar with her mug too. Bottom line, Julio, is that once a piece of art has been introduced to the public, in this case the entry entitled, “Chris Pic Named DCist Photo of the Day,” it is theirs to keep. Your frequency in checking the blog, while appreciated, is the reason you grew tired of the image. Some readers may not have checked in for a month or so. Best not to scroll down that far anymore. Thanks!”

Chris Weekly: Asking -- and answering -- the tough questions.

Late Breaking News: Bigtime Publisher to Buy Chris's 'Hancock' Photo for Use in Textbook

We gotta hand it to Sheri and Barb; they know good pics when they see 'em. Little do they know, Chris has no photojournalistic integrity and is always for sale. This will be the easiest deal they make all year:

"We are a photo research team working for McGraw-Hill on the Contemporary Mathematics in Context Course 3 SE. The authors are requesting images of the John Hancock building in Chicago. For publication we would require 300 dpi hi-resolution JPG.

We saw your photo of the John Hancock Building and want to speak to you regarding your pricing for the use of your image. Thank you in advance for your help on this project.

Best Regards,

Sheri Arredondo/Photo Researcher
Barb Ericksen/Photo Researcher"

Congratulations, Chris!

Inbox Surprise

Look what we found waiting for us in the CW e-Mailbag! Just when we thought we'd have to go another day without seeing that boy's mug, he sends us these pics from Madrid.

Chris also sent us the menu for his fancy Spanish dinner tonight. People think Chris eats late? Spaniards start dinner around 9:00 pm and it goes on into the night. The dinner with this particular menu was scheduled to end around 3:00 am:

First Act
Lychees Caviar with Foie gras
Smoked salmon terrine with quince and idiazabal cheese
Potatoes with garlic mayonnaise and herring spawn
Cream of mushrooms with cardamon oil
Cabrales cheese, apple and nut croquettes
Quail legs with soya
Tomato and courgette milfoils
Prawn, Japanese bread and ginger sauce brochette

Second Act
Foie gras cream with Pedro Ximenez
Hake with stewed artichokes
Sirloin steak á la moutarde ancienne
Sacher cous-cous
The Casino´s crazy sweets
Colombian coffee

Any guesses as to what Chris will actually eat? Our bet is on the sirloin steak, although we didn't tell him moutarde ancienne means "old mustard." Ignorance is bliss in this case.

Late Breaking News: It’s an HD!

Chris Weekly hopes you’ll put your hands together and give it up for the latest addition to the CW family: our new HDTV, Philip(s), weighing in at 76 lbs, 5.2 oz., and measuring a luxurious 47 inches. Chris may be on the fence about rearing small humans, but he gushed to CW exclusively about his long-held desire to scoop up one of these babies:

“I couldn’t handle it anymore, being the only one without an HDTV. Now I can’t handle being in the same room as standard def. It disgusts me and I won’t look at it. Phil’s been a real relationship builder too. I’m much more willing to watch something if it’s in HD so Kelly is more likely to slip one of her lame movies in. I'm lovin' it. Buy o’ the year!”

Above, Chris is shown as he holds his HDTV for the first time, always a special moment for a guy.

Chris Weekly: '08 Comeback Special

Eduardo from Madrid writes:

"Hello, I am loyal reader of your publication Chris Weekly. I am from Madrid and very much like your publication. My friends like too. Please to tell, are my eyes playing tricks? Did we see Chris at American work conference downtown this morning? Keep it up the good work."

CW replies: No, Eddie, you’re eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. Chris is indeed in Madrid for work, having fallen ass-backwards into the trip when his director “sprained her ankle” and ended up having to have surgery. Yeah, we’re thinking of Tonya Harding and Jeff Gillooly too. Anything to get those cool passport stamps. But in any event, he’s over there for a week so CW news is admittedly light. We have a layout meeting today and a quick presentation with a new traffic manager, and then here’s our evening agenda: 7:00-8:00—pining for Chris; 8:15-8:30—dinner; 8:30:9:30—longing for Chris; 9:30-9:45—shower; and finish things off with a good long yearning for Chris from 10:00 to 11:30.

On another note, we’d like to get a little personal here and apologize for our abrupt cessation of content. It’s been a long time, we know. Far too long. To those readers who still bother to check in with us each day, though they’ve been met with a photo of Alex Ovechkin’s jersey for the last three weeks: words can’t express how much we appreciate, and rely on, your never-ending loyalty. For those who quit us, please revisit our recent "don't give up on us" post ["(Disgruntled) Letter to the Editor," March 6).

See, what happened was CW offices adopted a more European business model, and shut down in March for spring holiday. Yeah, we’re a tough, hard-workin’ “these colors don’t run” American e-rag on the outside, but we have a Eurotrash heart when it comes to vacation, or rather, holiday. As is customary over there, we spent our days downing red wine, riding bikes through the countryside, eating baguettes and gathering fresh ingredients from the local markets for our evening feast.

While it may have been perceived as cruel by some readers, and grounds for ex-communication, our unannounced leave of absence was necessary in order to avoid the protests from readers that surely would have followed had we told you of our plans, and to maintain the level of excellence in Chris journalism to which you have become accustomed. Content and productivity were suffering, but now we’re rejuvenated, revitalized and galvanized, and everybody wins when an energized staff returns to work. Now, let’s talk Chris.

Chris Weekly: We're back, baby.