Say Cheese

Hello readers,

You’re probably expecting some sham excuse as to why Chris Weekly has not posted in several days or with its usual consistency as of late, and ordinarily that’s indeed what you would receive. However, this time our absence was both forgivable and necessary.

Things got too hot for us after a recent incident at Costco; we’ve been at the CW safehouse — unfortunately without Internet access — ever since cops began circling our new headquarters, and one of our reporters was accosted on the way to her car by someone who “just wanted the memory stick.” The following photos and accompanying text serve as a testament to the lengths CW will go to provide our loyal readers with the premier Chris coverage for which it is known.

WARNING: THESE IMAGES ARE ILLEGAL. Costco does not allow cameras in its stores. Yes, you read that correctly. The only cameras they want to see are wrapped in cellophane with a price tag and rolling on a conveyor belt toward a disgruntled checkout gal. Here’s how it all went down.

Chris decided to make a baked mac and cheese for an impromptu Super Bowl gathering at Chez T. in Alexandria with BOCs Andy and Brett, and MOC Kathy. The problem with prior mac and cheese attempts was that the end result was very sticky. Chris prefers a rich, creamy blend. So, he found a recipe from Emeril's that employed four—count ‘em—four cheeses: gruyere, fontina, cheddar and pecorino romano. We figured Costco would be the best place to go for the cheese, as Chris had noted in the past that they have a bountiful selection of fromage. Naturally, CW was notified of the outing and planted a reporter in the dairy section of the Pentagon City Costco for exclusive coverage.

Chris came in around 8 on Friday night. When our reporter ran up to meet him at the door for a shot of him coming on to the scene, she was stopped by the Costco greeter lady who checks your card. She said that cameras were NOT allowed in the store. When CW asked why, the lady said she didn’t know and sort of chuckled as if to say, “No worries here. Your camera will be confiscated shortly.” Our reporter politely thanked the greeter lady for this information and proceeded to follow Chris through the store back to dairy.

Costco had one cheese out of the four needed for Emeril’s mac: fontina. So not only was Chris displeased with the variety of available cheeses, we RISKED OUR FREEDOM in trying to obtain them. But that’s how we roll at CW. We’re not afraid to take those kinds of risks. We eagerly put our asses on the line everyday to get the scoop. Well, most days. Though Chris was irritated by our insistence upon filming even after being admonished by personnel, he reluctantly allowed us to score a couple pics for you, his fans. Enjoy, but please note: CW management bears no responsibility should your children be exposed to these illegal images.

Chris Weekly: Underground. Clandestine. Real. Journalism.