From the Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher: Saturday @ the Arboretum

BONSAAAIIII!!!
Gosh, we wish Christopher-san were more familiar with 1984’s The Karate Kid, as we could have a lot of fun with the scene where Mr. Miyagi shows Daniel-san the wisdom behind grooming or “training” bonsai, or potted trees. [While Chris claims to have viewed the film, we’re not buying it after he failed to properly demonstrate The Crane Technique.]

On Saturday, Chris rang the CW offices and invited us along to accompany him to D.C.’s National Arboretum; natural splendor nestled in the heart of the Washington ghetto. The Arboretum is presumably home to many different varieties of trees, but it being February, we were treated to many different varieties of bark. The idea behind the trip was to see the Capitol Columns, the old columns from the East side of the Capitol. They look kind of like Greek ruins. A real poor man’s trip to the Acropolis. And while the columns were very cool, Chris seemed to be really taken aback by the Bonsai garden. Which makes his refusal to embrace The Karate Kid and its subtle Bonsai wisdom all the more frustrating.

Take a moment to learn about the art of Bonsai from Chris’s favorite online resource, while we upload all his pics for the next post.

Now on to this week’s Big News:

CHRIS’S BIRTHDAY IS SATURDAY FEB. 16!!!!

It’s like Mardi Gras around here, as we commence celebration of the momentous event that was Chris’s birth, and the finale of his 31st year of life, ALL WEEK LONG. This week will be one of celebration, revelry and a general appreciation of life (with Chris in it), particularly since our CEO has temporarily lifted a ban on in-cubicle drinking. Additionally, the CW offices will be closed on Friday, Feb. 15, in honor of what certainly should at least be considered for federal holiday status; and also to give our employees time for Chris-centric reflection, or to rest up for the weekend’s festivities.

Feb. 16 is an important day for us here at Chris Weekly, and we know it’s important for you too. This publication would not exist if Chris didn’t, so in this time of recession and layoffs, the CW team essentially has Chris to thank for our jobs. We love this man. Let us eat, drink and be merry, in his honor and at his behest. Let us start a tradition -- and henceforth institute a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” office alcohol policy for the week of Feb 11-16 -- that boosts company morale, and reminds us for whom we work so hard in the first place.

One more thing: Chris is concerned that a “quad-coastal” influx of birthday cards may retard mail delivery, so he asks that we keep the “pipeline” open for those sending monetary donations. Please send all other birthday wishes via e-mail to our BigJuicyVan@Gmail account.

Maybe you’ll saddle up and ride. Maybe you’ll throw back a couple tequila shots. Maybe you’ll waste several hours surfing the Internet. Maybe you’ll try to beat Chris’s (undisclosed) top score in Wii bowling. How are you celebrating Chris’s birthday? Send us your stories and photos for our special coverage next week.