From the Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher

Brett from Alexandria writes:

"One thing about the big guy -- he loved Sean Taylor. What a miserable day for Chris Weekly nation."

Thanks for writing, Brett. You're right. It has indeed been a difficult 24 hours for Chris, as well as the entire CW readership, who collectively ache when the big guy aches. At the risk of sounding insensitive at the loss of a life, and out of respect for those readers still coping with this tragedy, CW's regularly scheduled, knee-slappingly hilarious posts have been suspended indefinitely. Instead, we have some news from the traffic/circulation front.

It's no secret that we run a high-tech operation here at CW. And now, thanks to this Orwellian (but in a good way) program that lets our staff see who's visiting the blog around the world, we've learned Chris Weekly has gone international! The long-held dream of both Chris and our publisher is coming to fruition: Chrismania. In addition to our loyal fan base here in the DC metro area, CW has had visitors from the following destinations: Bangalore, India; Seoul, South Korea; Warrington, England; Slough, England; Trondheim, Norway; Mataro, Spain; Las Plamas de Gran Canaria, Spain; and Augusta, Italy. Chris had only one comment when presented with this information: "Where's Russia?"

This is just the beginning, folks. We'll win over the Russkies. They'll crave the latest CW news more than good vodka and a pair of Levi's. Chrismania is on the brink. We're talking action figures, t-shirts, coffee table books, endorsements ... We envision suburban dads unscrewing scalding hot lightbulbs with their bare hands; young people throughout Europe eschewing vehicular transportation for their bicycles (wait, that's already the case); street urchins in India panhandling for money to buy Chris Weekly tees; Italian lovers sharing a gelato, not over an antiquated, inky newspaper, but while reading the latest post on Chris Weekly.

Readers, your role in this plan is integral. Let's work together to make Chris a global household name. Grab a tourist, discretely yet aggressively usher him/her into an alleyway, and clue them in to our mission here at CW. Or galvanize that dormant relationship with your childhood pen pal in Paris. Maybe grab Grampa's old shortwave radio and communicate with folks overseas. Cheese and rice, just make a connection with a foreigner and give 'em this website. There's always a vacancy in Chris's world.

Chris Weekly:
Capturing hearts, sculpting minds. One country at a time.

R. I. P. Sean Taylor

Ricky Tinkle Strikes Again

We're not sure how he does it but Chris's-Number-One-Fan Ricky Tinkle has learned of Chris's intentions to have spaghetti for dinner. He writes to us with his suggested tips in his now-signature haiku style:



Pasta al dente
I like to imagine Chris
Twirling his noodle

Eat, you're skin and bones
Don't forget to strain the sauce
Leftovers to me

What's Chris Thinking About Right This Second?

The Redskins' Sean Taylor was shot and is in critical condition!

"Apparently he was shot in the groin and the bullet pierced an artery so he probably lost a lot of blood, hence the critical condition. Hopefully (wrong I know) they'll get the artery sewn up and he'll be okay in the long run. An injury like that should heal over time and he'll be good as new. I hope. I don't think he'll be back this year though."
11/25/2007 12:35 PM

Stay strong, big guy. You too, Sean.

(Recorded) LIVE Coverage: Thanksgiving 2007 As It Happens

When Chris Weekly Editor-in-Chief, U.S., and Publisher Kelly B. talks, people listen.

No holiday dinner is complete without mutts begging for scraps at the table...

...and of course we eagerly appease them.

Chris Weekly Editor-in-Chief Kelly B. continues to talk, though her audience is waning.

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving from [L-R] Andy, Mer, Kelly, Chris, Brett and Kathy (behind the lens)!

Kitchen's closed. That's all we got.

(Recorded) LIVE Coverage: Thanksgiving 2007 As It Happens

What a handoff! Just like the pros. Chris hands a piping hot turkey fresh from the fryer to brother and newly-officiated attorney, Andy T., Esq.

Sister-in-law Meredith B. prepares to heat up the broccoli casserole, a B. family tradition.


Chris's favorite: overly sweetened [to the point of caramelization] sweet potato casserole loaded with marshmallows.


Chris carves the bird while Brett pops a bottle of zin.

The Big Guy is ready to eat.

Clear the table. There's more to come...

From the Editor in Chief, U.S., ... and Publisher

Wait, what time is it? What year is it? I just emerged from a most wicked turkey coma holding this laptop, a glass of wine and a drumstick. But I feel so rested and refreshed. Get me a toothbrush!

Okay, I realize for many of you this isn't a time for [obscure] jokes, as CW has not had a new post in almost three days. And we pride ourselves on honesty here at Chris Weekly so I'm going to be real with you. Like really real. We wish we could blame the abrupt cessation of our much-ballyhooed "LIVE Thanksgiving Day 2007 "coverage on technical difficulties or some such snafu out of our control, but in actuality, and it pains me to say this, it was plain ol' sloth. Lazy, gluttunous, pathetic sloth on the part of the entire CW management and staff. And yes, as many you have asked, we have a flogging whip down in Editorial for times like this.

So then, propelled by feelings of guilt and remorse, we are up early preparing a post with the rest of our Thanksgiving pics. And with the commencement of the holiday season upon us, and the spirits of generosity and forgiveness in the air, CW asks that you regard the images as live photos, as they were intended. But if that doesn't work for you, Chris suggested I get some shots of him eating the leftovers.

LIVE Coverage! Thanksgiving 2007 as It Happens

Time to eat!

LIVE Coverage! Thanksgiving 2007 as It Happens

What a pain in the neck! Chris Weekly Editor in Chief Kelly B. calls the Butterball Hotline, a longstanding Thanksgiving dream. [Our turkey's neck would not come off.] Too bad the "home economists" on the BH abruptly cut me off due to "high call volume."


Chris sets up the turkey fryer for our bird, which we basted with oatmeal stout.

LIVE Coverage! Thanksgiving 2007 as It Happens

Meredith and Brett toss the pigskin for a few while we wait for Andy to get back with the peanut oil for the fryer. 12:15 PM

Chris's Sister-in-Law: She's Just Like Chris!

She loves toast with REAL butter and SEEDLESS strawberry jam!

Fashion Police

Chris Weekly polled a panel of guest judges for its first installment of Fashion Police!

Tim H: Sweet jacket. Is that a medium?

Tim O: Looks tight. And I don't mean that in a good way.

Peter B: I've never wanted to be a juniors' ski coat so bad in my life!

Brett: It helps me to think he was convinced to take Marley out and simply grabbed the first outerwear garment he saw. We've all been there.

Andy: Somewhere a little girl is angry and freezing.

Ted: Speakeasy? Uhh, what speakeasy?

More From The Gallery

When Chris fights authority HE always wins. Thought warnings against doing so were posted throughout the gallery, Chris risked his personal freedom to snap shots of some of the cooler portraits for CW readers. In this one, Jackie keeps quiet about what she knows about JFK's assassination.


This one ought to scare the bejeezus out of you. And not just cuz it's the Reagans. Children, hide your eyes!

Chris's Pics from The National Portait Gallery

The "ceiling" for The National Portrait Gallery's new atrium. Prior to this installation, this new indoor courtyard area was outside, exposed to the elements. The idea is that now this space can be used for live events, speaking engagements and the like. On Saturday, the atrium was open for this family-friendly craft fair thing so we took some pics, got the gist and made our way to the portraits. Chris Weekly Editor in Chief, U.S., Kelly B. can be seen in the bottom left of the top image, taking in the ceiling and the aforementioned animal crackers.

From the Editor in Chief, U.S. ... and Publisher

Good morning all!

Ordinarily I would have a serious case of The Mondays, as it is cold and grey here in the D.C. metro area. But alas, this is Thanksgiving week! We here at CW are so looking forward to some QT with family and friends, and gorging ourselves on high-calorie favorites before falling blissfully into a turkey coma. The three-day work week ain't bad either.

CW management received a personal invitation from Chris himself to attend Thanksgiving at his mother's house in Mount Vernon, which means readers can expect LIVE coverage of Chris making and then consuming his favorite dishes, mashed potatoes and that sweet potato/brown sugar concoction with the marshmallows on top. You know the one. Or watch Chris in the drizzling rain, monitoring the bird as it fries in a big, bubbling vat of oil. Turkey Day with Chris as it happens? Tis a day to be thankful indeed.

But the more pressing question at this juncture is, what did Chris do this weekend?? As promised, he "hunkered down." Friday evening, after a hard week's work, he headed to Eamonn's with [ungrateful] October-Friend-of-Chris-Winner Tim O. and personally invited Chris Weekly to come along for exclusive coverage. And thank goodness we got that call, as only CW was there to catch The Big News. Ken from Old Town knows what we're talking about. He writes:

"Hey, CW. My friends are saying Chris ordered the grouper this weekend at Eamonn's, not the cod. Just when you think you can believe in someone. What's going on here??"

Stay cool, Ken. We shared your concern and that of other readers with Chris, and he confirmed for us that there no cause for alarm; he just decided to try something new:

"No, no, it wasn't a planned decision to go against type, if you will. My wife's friend Lauren had gotten the grouper when we went last weekend, and we found ourselves eating her leftovers because it was so good ["From the Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher, P.M. Edition," Nov. 1]. I said to myself, 'You know what, Chris? The cod's not going anywhere. Let's keep Eamonn's interesting. Get the grouper.' We've all been told at one time or another to seize the day. I say a more important lesson lies in seizing the fish."

Saturday and Sunday were slow news days, and included a combined total of nearly 11 hours of football with only one win (Virginia Tech, thank goodness), a trip into D.C. to see the new atrium at the National Portrait Gallery--an outing that yielded several boxes of FREE ANIMAL CRACKERS!!!-- pizza (both delivery AND DiGiorno), beers and bourbon, lots of sleep and some Italian ice. We'll post some pics of the atrium, and a few other staff favorites from the weekend, when we get back from lunch. But CW knows you're hungry for more, so for now, feed off the unbridled joy I'm experiencing in the above photo. We're not a very religious people here at CW, but consuming french fries with Chris in our line of sight seems like heaven to us.

Chris: The Week In Review

CW: Monday morning came a little too quickly this week didn't it? Reports are that you ended up taking the day off? What prompted that decision?

Chris: Yes, Monday morning was more of a bitch than usual, pardon my French. The weather was lousy and I wasn't in the mood to saddle up and head out the door. On top of that our one operable car had become inoperable before the weekend ["From the Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher, P.M. Edition," Nov. 13] and it was still in the shop. With no other options for getting to work and the thought of a long day in front of a computer feeling like shit, I decided it would be best to lay low for the day. And so I did.

CW: So what did you do on your day off?

Chris: I responded to some work e-mails but otherwise just took it easy. The car was ready by mid-afternoon so we headed out to get some Chipotle and possibly ran an errand or two.

CW: Did you feel refreshed and ready to tackle the rest of the work week Tuesday morning?

Chris: What do you think?

CW: What were the week's highlights for you?

Chris: I guess getting paid on Thursday was nice. Otherwise it's been a somewhat lackluster week.

CW: Lowlights?
Chris: Does the Redskins losing on Sunday count?

CW: What are you looking forward to most about the weekend? (Besides athletic events, be they live or televised)

Chris: I'm just looking forward to being off work and spending time with my wife and domesticated animal. I read that the National Portrait Gallery is having a grand reopening and they have this really cool glass canopy that creates an indoor atrium within the courtyard of the two buildings. Maybe we'll check that out on Sunday before the Skins/Cowgirls game at 4:15.

CW: And finally, can we watch Wordplay tonight?

Chris: Yes, we can watch Wordplay. That will go well with Scrabble. And bourbon.

Breaking News: Chris Nabs Free Danish

Hello all,

We know posting has been light this week. Okay, more like non-existent. But what can we say? Sometimes there's just not much going on in Chrisland. [Our world, that is, not the residential community off Route 50.] That is until a few mintues ago! Chris Weekly's intrepid reporters found this little juicy tidbit from the big guy himself in their inboxes after lunch:

"Hey guys, thought you'd like to be the first to know. I just scored half a cheese danish. It was left over from a meeting someone had this morning."

For those who immediately conjured an image of George Costanza ravenously devouring an eclair he'd found on top of the trash, Chris confirmed for us:

"No, cut in half. Places like Au Bon Pain provide a breakfast pastry platter of assorted items and will often cut the larger items in half."

Phew! Stick to the pastry platter. We can't have you contracting Salmonella. Botchalism on the other hand does wonders for those little wrinkles around the eyes.

Unfortunately, CW staff was unable to get a live shot of Chris consuming said danish, but we did find a shot of a blissfully happy little girl enjoying an eclair or other profiterole-based treat. We like to think Chris's [devastatingly handsome] face reflected a similar expression of gluttonous joy.

Chris Takes a Bite

We just love watching this boy eat. Thankfully Chris's Nikon D40 allows us to capture every slurp, swallow and chew in crystal clear detail. He let CW staff get up close and personal on Saturday night at Eamonn's. While he does always like to give us an exclusive, he also figured he could look at the pics when he gets bored at the office and doesn't have enough money for lunch. Mmmmm. Thanks be to cod indeed.

From the Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher ... PM Edition

Hello all,

My sincere apologies at my delayed posting ... blah blah blah. I know, I can stuff my sorries in a sack. But this weekend was pretty low-key: no car, no money, no prospects, no Carlyle, no Redskins win. Chris cites a "mayjah" win by Virginia Tech against Florida State, a trip to Eamonn's and my smiling face as his weekend standouts.

The CW staff vehicle crapped out on management Friday morning, just in time to disrupt any developing weekend plans Chris may have had, which let's be honest, didn't really consist of more than televised sports interspersed with periods of dining out or minor home repairs. Things picked up a bit on Saturday, however, when we caught wind of a potential ride to one of our most favorite places on Earth, Eamonn's! Friend-of-Kelly Lauren "LED" D. suggested a trip to Eamonn's after I had described to her the delicious fare that keeps us from checking out The Majestic, which has been on our To Try list for months now. Lauren even made arrangements for her friend Gary to come pick our sorry asses up after the Virginia Tech game.

Dinner consisted of the usual fried cod and Guiness, and by usual we mean consistently delicious. Lauren had the grouper, with Chris and I finishing what she couldn't. Gary had Eamonn's own fried burger and fried sausage, washed down with a couple Eurotrash sodas. Without a doubt, Gary went home that night a changed man. He was even overheard telling another Eamonn's patron:

"I've only read about Chris's enthusiasm for this place. But experiencing it firsthand? It's freaking AWESOME. HE's freaking awesome, and this fish is good too. Are you gonna finish your Rock Shandy?"

Pics to follow from the evening, as is a play-by-play action shot of Chris consuming the aforementioned cod! Stay tuned...

Chris Weekly: Served fresh daily with your choice of sauce.

(Flap)Jack of All Trades

It's been a while, and the proof is in the rapidly approaching expiration date on our 5 LB pound bag of pancake mix from Costco, but Chris made pancakes this weekend for breakfast. And the old man's still got it. Check out this beauty! (The cake, not Chris.) Flippin' sweet.

Classic Chris

The wild man is shown at either Hot Tuna, 5150 or The Half Shell in Virginia Beach, New Year's Eve 2003.

You Better Zip Up

Chris isn't the only one out there braving the cold this evening. As he gears up for his uber-brisk ride home, Ricky Tinkle [whose (self-declared) status as Chris's No. 1 fan is in question after complaints from a recent FOC winner who shall remain nameless] is also gearing up ... for the home stretch of his daily stakeout.

Ricky e-mailed us, presumably from his BlackBerry or other brand of PDA, from across Chris's office to give us this scoop:

My nose has frostbite
Losing feeling in my hands
Yet I stay and wait

What's taking so long?
Cops tell me no loitering
Do they even know

For whom I will freeze?
The one and only Chris T.
I welcome the pain.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

He sulks :(

[Notice the aforementioned lightbulb above his head ("From the Editor in Chief, U.S., Sept. 20). It's like there's a forcefield of intense thermal energy surrounding it. He touches that with his BARE HANDS.]

Letter to the Editor

Shawn from Bethesda writes:

"Good for Tim H.! He's worked hard for this honor. Who are the nominees for December's Friend of Chris?"

CW Editor in Chief, U.S., and Publisher Kelly B. replies: Thanks for writing, Shawn. As I mentioned in the post announcing Tim H.'s appointment ["Breaking News: Tim H. Named November's Friend of Chris," Nov. 6], CW has done away with the controversial democratic voting procedure after the selection process became a bit too painful for our staff.

Never intended to rank or pit one friend against another, the FOC Award was created to showcase selfless, extraordinary actions on the part of Chris's friends in an effort to improve Chris's quality of life. Tim H. displayed grandiose gestures of intoxicating generosity this past weekend that made it clear to CW management that Chris is Priority One for him. With CW coming in a close Priority Two. Obviously, all of Chris's friends are clamoring to better his quality of life. But CW can only spotlight one friend a month so please don't feel that unacknowledged acts have gone unnoticed. As Chris always says, "Life is like crowd surfing. It takes the helping hands of many to move you along."

Having said that, please understand that CW management does not intend to outline Tim's "recipe for a win," lest other friends of Chris simply follow suit to win FOC. But we will say that the staff here at CW keeps a constant list of candidates and is always monitoring the actions of those in the running. And we're suckers for sycophants so don't be ashamed to squat down and pucker up if you're serious about taking December.

Breaking News: No Cavities for Chris

Chris endured his [six months overdue] six-month dental cleaning today. He was such a trooper. There was some minor grunting and groaning throughout his "rise and shine" process, but there's a little of that on any work morning so we were laughing about his anxieties after a while. On the outside anyway.

Naturally, his fears were for naught, as he received heaps of praise from the staff at Dr. Maryann Kan's office for his "beautiful teeth." [Tell us something we don't know, lady.] Upon exiting the clinic, Chris talked to CW about his appointment:

CW: You had your six-month cleaning today but it was actually six months overdue. Were you nervous about having a cavity?

Chris: I was a little nervous because I had a cavity the last time I went to the dentist ["The Dental Misadventures of Mr. Hank," Sept. 12]. I can't remember the last cavity I had before that but I thought maybe I'm getting old and cavities are just something I'm going to have to deal with. Instead I was lauded for my "beautiful teeth." They were quite taken with my choppers.

CW: As are we all. But if you had had a cavity, would you have gotten it filled today?

Chris: No, I need at least a month to psyche myself up for a procedure like that.

CW: Any dental hygiene tips you wish to share with your fans?

Chris: According to the crew at Kan's I should consider using an electric toothbrush, and that it wouldn't hurt to floss every now and then. They also suggested that I not take up smoking cigarettes. I assured them that at this point I think I'm in the clear on that.

CW: We're so proud of you here at CW for your everpresent--seemingly omnipotent--courage in the face of adversity, or in this case, oral discomfort. Are you looking forward to your May visit?

Chris: I'll be there with bells on.

Chris Gets Botanical

Chris always says one should stop and smell the roses. Well, we stopped and smelled it all--herbs, orchids, birds of paradise, moss--at Washington's own National Botanic [that's not a typo] Garden on Saturday afternoon. Chris most enjoyed the Washington Monument, Capitol and Smithsonian recreated out of leaves and plant matter, two of which are shown above. [The names of the plants have long since escaped his memory at this point so Chris encourages readers to focus not so much on the image but rather his zoom skills.]

And no, Chris, e-mailing these JPGs to me is not the same thing as sending me flowers.

Breaking News: Tim H. Named November's Friend of Chris

Readers, please disregard that previous nonsense about suffrage being alive and well at CW. The FOC selection process for October was too painful for the staff [and one candidate in particular], and the winner failed to even acknowledge the award. Henceforth, the Chris Weekly Friend of Chris Award is determined by CW management. We apologize for any inconvenience or feelings of injustice this decision may have caused.

Having said that, Chris Weekly is downright giddy to announce the recipient of November's Friend of Chris Award: Tim H. ! And the November birthday boy (11) was downright giddy to hear the news.

Upon being notified of the win, Tim squealed with glee, promptly shook up some pomegranate martinis, offered us what he felt were "more flattering shots" to choose from for this post, and had this to say:

"We did it, big guy! This one's for you. I want to thank the CW staff for finally acknowledging a relationship I've sought to nourish and promote for more than a decade. This award gives me a literal, and physical, thrill."

And in what is probably the highest of honors for Tim, Chris offered his own thoughts on the award:

"I'd just like to extend my congratulations and remind everyone that, as Tim can attest, hard work and pandering to the voters does eventually pay off. "

Congratulations, Tim! [You can ease back on the gift baskets now.]