Chris on Vick

"People and the news media in this country need to get a [expletive] life! A story like this ["Dog Mauls Autographed Vick Ball," CNN.com] or the one from yesterday where someone sold Vick football cards that had been chewed up by a dog on eBay for $7,400 is not news. This is the type of story that would be more appropriate for Jay Leno or the 'Oddly Enough' section of Yahoo.

I find it interesting that many of the people in this country who are calling for his head and a lifetime ban from the NFL aren't bothered at all by the current state of our government or the war in Iraq. Apparently eight fighting dogs are more important than the lives of over 600,000 Iraqis and almost 4,000 Americans. Pathetic indeed."

6:28 PM 8/30/2007 Photo courtesy of www.fanaticking.com.

The Tank Boys: They're Just Like Chris!

They read.


They refuel!


They chill.




They mug for the camera!

Chris Captures Mammoth

The Minarets. Each one of those points is named after someone. For example, I think the tallest one is Clyde.


Ric and me at 11,000+ feet.


Dusk in Mammoth Lakes, Calif.


The aptly-named Topaz Lake. This is actually on the way to Mammoth, so I should have posted it first but tough turkeys!

Breaking News: Chris Mulls New Mattress

Chris has suggested we get a Temperpedic-like mattress, after the good night's sleep we enjoyed at Ric and Deanna's in Mammoth. "I'm thinking that maybe we should get the Costco bed for now and then in a few years when we move into a place with two bedrooms (I hope) we'll need another bed so we can get the Temperpedic for ourselves and use the
other one in the second bedroom," he explained in an exclusive interview with CW. Chris has slept on the mattress I've used since I was a kid since 1997. Prior to that, the mattress was used by my parents. Check back periodically for the latest developments in this story.

Good. Good Shot.

What's Chris Thinking About Right This Second?

"Crazy gold medallions."
11:53 AM 8/30/2007

Chris Captures Yosemite

El Capitan

Half Dome


I actually took this shot but the fact that Chris deemed it worthy of association with his portfolio made me proud.


Chris is getting some positive feedback from the cyber-community for this shot...taken from a MOVING VEHICLE!

Chris Rode to Work This Morning!

Did you see Chris on his zippy morning commute into the city while your fat ass was sitting in traffic on the 14th Street Bridge? If so, don't be a hater. Write to us at Chris Weekly at rubyvino@gmail.com.

From the Editor in Chief, U.S.

Good Morning all!

Wow, the late nights and hard work have not gone unnoticed around here. Chris Weekly celebrated a readership landmark, and as a result I have been further promoted to Editor in Chief, U.S.! This means I have sole editorial control over the entire U.S. operation of this publication. I've always considered myself modest so I don't want to gloat, but I deserve this promotion. Now, onto today's Chris news, which is admittedly light.

Chris and I managed to get ourselves up and dressed for another day at the office. At least it's the Thursday before a three-day weekend. Even though it's super hot outside and a CODE ORANGE air quality level, Chris donned his cutest Lycra biking jumper and saddled up for a hot and sticky ride into the city, while many of us sloths were blasting the AC and sitting in the drive thru at Dunkin Donuts. Once again, Chris's strength in the face of adversity is moving.

Also, the other day in Mammoth, Chris suffered some nasty bruising while thrashing down a mountain with our buddy Ric. I noticed this morning that these bruises still don't look too good, and also are causing Chris a noticeable amount of discomfort, as evidenced by some grunts he made while getting out of bed and plopping down on our couch. I'm going to keep an eye on the bruises, and hope to snap a couple shots tonight to post tomorrow. I know that you, like me, cannot bear to know that Chris is experiencing pain.

In this issue, I really do plan to post some of Chris's prize-worthy shots from Yosemite and Mammoth Lakes. Some real winners. Also, I got a great idea last night for a new feature in Chris Weekly: guest commentaries! Don't miss the first one; subject and publish date to be announced. Basically, if you check the blog every day you won't miss it.

Toodles,
K

Chris Weekly: Don't Miss Out on What 5 People in the DC Metro Area are Talking About!

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

He beats the heat!

Paparazzi Crashes the Party

My fellow brethren in media,

I realize we have a common goal on this planet: to document the life of Chris. However, Chris Weekly was given exclusive access and coverage rights to the Hamptons story. Therefore, it goes without saying that descending upon his friend's home whilst he is a guest at said home, and on vacation no less, is unacceptable.

Readers, see for yourself the media scrutiny and lack of privacy that friends and loved ones of Chris have to deal with.

Hamptons, pt. 2

Chris's brothers Andy and Brett attempt to mount two tricky pool rafts.





Chris prefers to get his pina coladas poolside.






Time for tequila shots, Chris's favorite party activity. Chris Weekly Editor in Chief (U.S.!) Kelly Brooks can be seen briefing partygoers on procedure.

Chris Does the Hamptons

This cobalt blue sky says it all. While it was rainy upon our arrival Friday night, Saturday's weather (arguably the most important day of the weekend) was heavenly. Bright sunshine, no humidity and a light cool breeze.


Heading down the driveway to Nicole's parents' house.


The Lovely Nicole Lewis, our hostess with the mostest.


An inside aerial shot.


The party begins!

More Fan Mail!

Tim from Fairlington writes:

Hey Ruby Vino,

I thought I spotted Chris this morning on the metro, blue line, King Street station. So I walked up behind him and smacked him on the back of his head. Turns out it wasn't him. Maybe he biked in today.

August 29, 2007 8:58 AM

Have you seen Chris on his morning or evening commute? Write to us at Chris Weekly at rubyvino@gmail.com.

What's Chris Thinking Right This Second?

"I'm trying to decide on a fantasy football team name."
8/29/2007 12:03 PM

Pick Pic of the Day

From the Editor...in Chief

Good Morning, all. As you may have noticed I was recently promoted to Editor-in-Chief, U.S., of Chris Weekly. I had formerly held the position of Editor. Congratulations are most certainly in order.

Now on to new Chris business. He and I are dead tired today after a late night out with an old friend who's moved back to the D.C area! We celebrated with a little food and drink at Tallula in Arlington, followed by some Wii time. Great fun, cocktail flu notwithstanding. Plus, we just got in the other day from our trip to Mammoth Lakes, Calif., and then the Hamptons the week prior to that! Chris has really been on the go, and what a trooper he is. He dragged his ass into work the morning after getting home from Mammoth, while I took the day off to recover from our semi-active vacation. Chris is not a believer in the post-vacation buffer day. We should all learn a thing or two from his displays of strength and perseverance.

In this issue, I hope to finally display some of our recent travel pics in response to near-rabid enthusiasm from our readers. Kathy from Mount Vernon writes, "I may never make it to the Hamptons, and had hoped to vicariously experience such luxurious debauchery through an awesome individual like Chris. Any chance you'll post some pics?" Kathy, you're in luck, for we have MORE THAN 300 pieces of photographic proof that Chris had fun in the Hamptons. As an added bonus, I'll have for you a showcase of some of Chris's best shots from Mammoth Lakes/Yosemite, as well as today's Pick Pic of the Day. Sit tight!

This Just In: Chris to Take Metro Home!

If you see Chris on the blue or yellow lines to the Pentagon, e-mail us at Chris Weekly at rubyvino@gmail.com. He's wearing a salmon polo shirt and khakis. Or better yet, snap a shot of him for our Chris Spottings!

Chris Adds...

"A brochure, 'Interesting Facts about the New Jersey Turnpike,' dating
from soon after the road's opening, states that when the Turnpike's
bonds are paid off, 'The law provides that the Turnpike be turned over
to the State for inclusion in the public highway system.' Due to new
construction, and the expectation that the Turnpike pay for policing and
maintenance, this has never come to pass.

Yea, no shit."
6:28 PM 8/20/2007

Chris to USDoT: WTF??!!

CW: It's been reported that you dealt with a great deal of traffic on your drive back from the Hamptons this past weekend. What were the worst parts?

Chris: The worst part was the stretch just before going through the toll at the end of the NJ Turnpike until reaching Maryland. Basically, I blame Delaware. We had to get through three different tolls and the traffic was constant the entire way. Tolls are RIDICULOUS! Just do like VA and
have everyone in the state pay for the roads in their taxes. I liken it to charging children every time they enter a public school. Think about it, it's just as dumb of a way to pay for something that is part of the public good. If you don't use them much or at all, TOUGH TURKEYS!

CW: Tell me about Maryland House. What suggestions do you have for its management?

Chris: Raze the POS and build something that looks like it came from the 21st Century. How they get away with charging almost $8 for a meal that I can get for less than $5 "on the outside" is beyond me. And to think there are people who walk among us that actually look forward to going there when on a road trip! Again, do like VA and let the towns along the interstates open business and collect the taxes. Anything is better than the communist system they have in place along the New Jersey Turnpike. It's no wonder their governor was critically injured in a crash on the Turnpike. He was probably rushing to get home because he was hungry and didn't want a Nathan's hot dog or Roy Rogers roast beef
sandwich.

CW: Your route took you on the NJTPK. You and your wife have had a contentious relationship with this stretch of I-95 since the infamous
drive back late night after a NYE Phish show in the late 90s, correct? Any of the old feelings resurface? And did you in fact have enough money for the tolls this time?

Chris: My feelings for the Turnpike haven't changed much but luckily our bank account is a bit more solvent so we don't have to worry so much about tolls. My gripe about how NJ has been holding their portion of Interstate 95 hostage doesn't hold as much water now that I've read thatit predates the Interstate Highway System and was actually used as a basis for designing the System. This does not, however, mean that I don't think it still sucks.

CW: Reports are that at one point, in Delaware, you actually went through a toll barely moving only to continue barely moving the entire way to the next toll. This sort of thing doesn't do much for your already barely existent fondness for Delaware,does it?

Chris: I can honestly say that Delaware as a state is pretty much useless to me. I blame NJ for some of this, though. I think Delaware got the idea for tolls from NJ. [Editor's Shoutout--Delaware: Yeah, You're Almost Home; Delaware: This'll Be Quick]

CW: Whom do you hold responsible for this kind of backup?

Chris: All the assholes out there who are in a damn hurry to get home and watch "Friends."

CW: Anything else you'd like to add about the drive?

Chris: As bad as it was it was better than being at work.

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

He tinkers!

From the Editor, pt. 2

I love the sound of this lead: So, I was in the Hamptons this past weekend. And make no mistake, reader; the life of the Hamptons local is the life I was meant to live: big, fancy house, well stocked fridge and bar, old and new friends, lack of parental supervision (which never seems to lose its allure), creamy pina coladas by the pool, idyllic tanning weather, hot dogs and burgers on the grill, party bowls of guac, nightswimming, good tunes, in-house pianist, breakfast spreads worthy of a Southern Living pictorial, responsible rowdiness and some cuts and bruises—just enough to prove that good times were had. But don't be a hater; I was there on business. I was in town covering Chris’ weekend at Friend-of-the-Tanks Nicole Lewis’ seemingly annual summer jam at her parents’ house in Southampton/Sag Harbor. [Editor’s Note: Just a few minutes from Stereo by the Shore for any US Weekly readers out there. Meredith, this means you.] Chris Weekly promises to have exclusive coverage from this event. Unfortunately this was probably my first and last bash in the Hamptons, as Nicole’s parents are selling the house. But as I see it, if I have one Hamptons weekend under my belt, I’m in good shape in life.
Next on Chris’ agenda this week? He leaves for Mammoth Mountain, Calif., on Wednesday to visit our friends Ric and Deanna, whom we know from our Blacksburg days. The itinerary includes a trip to Yosemite, a ladies-only hike, a boys-only mountain bike ride and dinner out at a couple places they’ve been wanting to try. I'll be on hand as always to bring you the scoop, and when Ric and Dee are involved ... it's usually pretty go-o-o-o-o-d. I also can promise plenty of pics, as both Ric and Chris recently purchased a DSLR and are likely to engage in an epic capture war.

Toodles,
KBro

Pick Pic of the Day

Okay, still working on my article. It's about marketing, I'm not in marketing, which makes writing a lead difficult; plus I just got the answers back from my questions to this vice president at Pepsi; it's a real bear. And it's late. Time to hunker down and just flow. So for now, enjoy a chuckle at our expense. (trumpets sound) I give you Today's Pick Pic of the Day!

From the Editor, pt. 1

Good Morning, All,

I know you're anxious to hear about Chris' weekend in the Hamptons, but I have an article to write for the NAB Radio Show Daily News so tough turkeys! Check back in a bit.

xoxo
K

What's Chris Thinking Right This Second?

"I'm thinking about what's for lunch." 11:51 AM 8/20/2007

More Pix From the Wessel Family Reunion

Aunt Bev serves up some of Gus' birthday cake to Chris' precious (and precocious!) second cousin, Sarah. Her daddy Jeff can be seen behind her. Jeff is married to Chris' first cousin, Jesse.


Cousin Danny, brother to Jesse, uncle to Sarah. I'll do him a favor and post a not-so-goofy pic too.



Get me Child Magazine. This kid should be in pictures! Little Big Gus, Chris' second cousin.



Miss Holly, The Klemanns' dog. She was such a good sport, as Marley was rude and aggressive with her in her own home the entire stay. I've been trying for about 20 minutes to post some pics of the Klemanns' awesome house but the full size shots are not uploading correctly for some reason. Check back later to see if I've had any luck.

Chris Against the Machine

Sent to me at 11:05 AM 8/16/2007 (Yeah, I know, I didn't see it until now at 5:02 PM. I don't know why it says below that I posted it at 1:59.)

"Have you heard of this? http://www.letsdish.com/. It is so stupid. You go to this place where they supervise as you prepare dishes for up to a month. Then you take them home and freeze them and then thaw them out when you're ready to eat. They market it to busy moms who want to provide their family with a 'home cooked' meal every night. They say you can cram your cooking into one two hour session and then just reheat for a month. They call it gourmet. I say anything that has to be reheated ain't gourmet. The website excitedly proclaims, 'Gear up for some adult time!'"

Free Association With Chris

Britney Spears: Crotch shots, stubby legs and bad skin.

Made In China: Cheap, plastic crap you can't avoid sometimes.

"If I Did It": OJ, I think we all know how you did it.

2008: The final lame duck year of the Bush presidency. The run up to the November election will be all anyone hears about on the TV, Internet and newspapers. It should be a good year for the major media outlets. Let's hope it's also good year for the Dems.

iPhone: I'll pass for now. $500 for something that lasts two years ain't worth it. (Editor's Note: Since when????)

Parenthood: What's with these people with the new humans?

Rehab: ...is for people who can't control their intoxicants.

Chris and Meredith Vieira...What's Beef?

CW: How long have you been a Today Show watcher?
Chris: I've been an everyday viewer for the last decade or so. I can remember as a kid my mom used to watch Jane and Bryant in the morning.

CW: Who are your favorite personalities on the show?
Chris: I think I like Al and Ann best. They're the easiest to make fun of. Meredith just makes me mad and Matt's too cool for school.

CW: How did you feel when Katie left?
Chris: I knew then that she was making a big mistake. I'm not saying she should have remained at Today with the crap stories she had to put up with but she should have stayed away from the nightly news. This country may be ready for a woman president but we still like to get our evening news from a man. (Editor's Note: This comment does not reflect the opinion of Chris Weekly management.)

CW: Did you ever even TRY to like Meredith? Or did you know for certain when you saw Matt pull his hand out from under hers on her debut show?
Chris: I knew from the moment I saw her face I wouldn't like her. She just has an unlikable face and personality. Not exactly what you want to wake up to.

CW: Were you a fan of hers from The View?
Chris: Yea, right.

CW: What do you find most irritating about her?
Chris: Her big head. There's something about her body structure that I can't put my finger on. Not to mention the fact that she has absolutely no ability to interview or be folksy. She just really bothers me.

CW: What did you like best about the 1-800-Flowers interview?
Chris: I like how it's as if she has a personal vendetta against cheating men. It wouldn't surprise me if her husband has cheated on her so I can see where it might be a sensitive subject for her. The guy does have some big balls bringing his girlfriend on the program. (Editor's Note: I think she was his lawyer.)

CW: Who is more awkward with banter, Ann or Meredith?
Chris: They're both awkward but in different ways. I honestly think Meredith is worse. At least Ann seems to realize that she's a flake.

CW: How funny was it when Meredith was interviewing Will Ferrell on ice skates in that makeshift ice rink on the plaza, and the tried to skate between his legs and completely ate it?
Chris: Best segment ever. Will Ferrell should get a lifetime achievement award for that stunt.

CW: Have you ever read her iVillage blog?
Chris: The existence of something called an iVillage blog makes me mad.

CW: Meredith dips out at 9 so she can be there for her kids and husband blah blah blah, leaving the other hosts to pick up the slack for the last hour. What do you think about that?
Chris: What a load of crap! She has to go home to babysit her husband and kids and we have to deal with awkward segments of Tiki Barber at Fenway Park.


Do you have a problem with Meredith Vieira too? Write to us at rubyvino@gmail.com.

What's Chris Thinking Right This Second?

"Edward 40 Hands has problems." 11:02 AM 8/16/2007 http://youtube.com/watch?v=zsXGv8l8MGk

(Editor's Note: Chris is referring to this viral he's watching on YouTube, but I can't figure out how to provide the link. For now, just cut and paste the URL, although I'm sure you can Google Edward 40 Hands and find it that way too.)

Chris' Brothers...Revealed!

From left: Andy, Brett and Chris back in the day.


Andy Tank, Esq. tackles his first case. I mean cake.


Ayyy, Brit!

From the Editor

Hello all,

(Wasn't I freaking adorable?) No disrespect, but please stop with the e-mails; I am aware that the photos of our bathroom renovation have not been posted. Nor do I expect them to be any time soon, in all honesty. However, I do have for you some more shots from our trip to Buffalo, and EXCLUSIVE, never-before-seen photos of Chris' two brothers, Brett and Andy. Also in this issue, Chris sounds off on his contempt for Today Show sweetheart, Meredith Vieira. Chris cites poor interviewing skills, awkward bantering, overdramatic reactions and a "flat face" among his grievances. Plus, I'm dying to see his reaction to this YouTube clip of her going off on this guy who's suing 1-800-Flowers for delivering the bill for his girlfriend's flowers to his wife. (Editor's Note: I'm having trouble finding this clip now.) I hope to have that interview for you by this afternoon. Although it's Web News day at work so that will take priority. For now. Maintaining this blog and trying to beat my 6,000,000-PLUS 3-D PINBALL SCORE will likely take up most of my afternoon.
For now, enjoy the Buffalo pics and keep an eye out for my husband!

Chris: He's Just Like Us!

He drives!