Fan Mail Continues to Drip In

Anonymous writes:
"I'm not trying to take any attention away from Chris but his brother Brett has some serious 'guns.' Dumbbells? Free weights? What IS his secret?"

CW replies: While we can only guess at the specifics of Brett's health regimen, we imagine that holding Chris up on a pedestal gives him quite a workout. [Brett is shown with Barile at the gun show.]

September Friend-of-Chris Peter Barile writes:
"I LOVE Chris Weekly!!!!!!!!!!! You have made a die hard fan out of me. I find myself checking it multiple times daily! (You can post that)."

CW replies: Oh don't worry, Peter. We did post that. Because such words of encouragement are what keeps Chris going, and what keeps Chris Weekly in business. The business of caring. (About Chris.)

September Friend-of-Chris Nominee Tim Hays writes:
"It is now Tuesday and I just wanted to mention that, although our Sunday outing to the 'Lyle' was above average, the nasty taste left by those sour pusses sitting next to us still remains. I believe the incident requires a bit of venting on CW. They had no right to try and piss on our parade. Who did those people think they were? We should have sat back down and ordered another round. I should have started hitting on that guy's wife, got her number and then not call her."

CW replies: Simmer down now, Tim, simmer down. Readers, Tim is referring to our post-Redskins dinner at The Carlyle, where upon exiting for the evening, we overheard this guy from the next table say, "Thank God." Apparently, we were being too loud as we downed limoncello and pomegranate margs and reminisced about the old days. In retrospect, I did notice rather vitriolic stares coming from a woman sitting next to me on the banquette, but thought that she was simply dripping with envy at both my dress and dinner company. In either case, Tim, Chris is about unity, not division. He would want us to just let this slide, and if we are to uphold the sworn mission statement of this publication, we shall. But if you're feeling powerless, here's how you can help: tell a friend about CW. Tell a friend to tell a friend. Once we reach regional phenomenon status and CW is on the lips of the entire DC metro area, those a-holes will realize how close they sat to greatness.

Keep those letters coming! Write to BigJuicyVan[at]gmail[dot]com.
Chris Weekly. No, it's not a joke.